Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday
The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...
Scientists prove Morris dancing adds 10 years to your life. Britons still not interested.
Researchers at Swindon Institute of Rustic Studies have proved beyond doubt that regular Morris dancing increases longevity by 10 years.
Professor Ryan Cocks, Dean...
David Brent to sing Equality Street at Trump Inauguration
Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.
Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team
Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team.
Katie,...
Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight
Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC.
Mr. Henry was the...
Jeremy Corbyn washes the muddy feet of Glastonbury goers
This year's Glastonbury festival has turned into something of a spiritual and political awakening of the masses, as Jeremy Corbyn attended the annual arts...
Dianne Abbot ‘can count on all 12 fingers’ times the biased media have tried...
After an embarrassing spate of catastrophic interviews, Dianne Abbot has complained that radio and television hosts are now deliberately and maliciously trying to confuse her.
In...
Seinfeld fan offended by ‘white free’ Luke Cage series
Rochdale couch tuber, Archibald Taggart, has hidden himself away behind a fort made entirely of his Friends and Seinfeld video and DVD box sets,...
Theresa May makes audacious bid for Jorge Mendes to replace David Davis.
With the transfer window now open, Theresa May is expected to make David Davis available for transfer whilst putting in a bid for Jorge...
One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet
Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report.
Commissioned by a...
Only a grammar truth in May’s PMQs
In this week's PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what's left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa...
Champagne socialist accidentally reveals cost of scrapping tuition fees after drinking warm prosecco
A Rochdale champagne socialist has accidentally revealed that the cost of scrapping tuition fees would be £100bn. Anthony Taylor-Twyford revealed the cost at a...
Nobody could have done better than Corbyn, says Nobody
Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the...
Trump to brave Muslim controlled no go area during UK Visit
Despite the advice of Fox News commentator, Steven Emerson, advisors to Donald Trump have said that there is a strong possibility that the so-called...
Pressure grows for superhero movie with strong male lead
Following the box office success of ‘Wonder Woman’ pressure is growing for a Hollywood studio to finally make a superhero movie with a strong...
Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...
Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling.
Express reader, Ian...
