Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook

Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire network to grind to a halt. "Sadly, we had no choice...

Fury as school rebrands Snow Angels Multifaith Snow Deities

A Greater Manchester primary school has today come under heavy fire from Christian groups as they took the step of dropping reference to one set faith from Snow Angels to prevent causing offence to...
Bubble Wrap

Bubble wrap producers report record sales as schools prepare for new year

As pupils prepare to merrily go back to school their parents are preparing for the big celebration. In recent years, parents have been edging ever-closer to the ultimate goal of total protection, a nirvana of...

University of Burnley to offer a degree course in Fruit Picking.

As part of the government's recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of 'On The Job' training. Ian Jaggs, speaking...
A Level Results

A-Level students celebrate being just three years away from £30,000 debt and a zero-hours...

Students across the country celebrated today as they received the exam results needed to springboard them into a lifetime of insurmountable debt and soul-crushing penury. Thousands of 18 year olds excitedly opened their results envelopes...
Oxford

Elitist Oxbridge totally to blame for educational standards, says Department of Education

Look, an elephant, go on, shoot the elephant Oxbridge, as we all well know, is a pair of incredibly elitist and stuffy institutions, full of Brideshead Revisited public school chums punting along the river drinking...

Change of fart for Donald

Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'. Traditionally, it has been used as: a term for flatulence a term in the cards game of Bridge a term...
Old Graduate

University of Life under investigation as graduates don’t understand basic legal principles

The University of Life's School of Law is under investigation today after a study found that 98% of its graduates don't understand the basic principles of the law. Chief Inspector Bill Board told us, "The...
Teenagers

A-Level students share their entertaining delusions about making the world a better place

As we do every year, every damn year, we headed down to Rochdale Sixth Form College. Next to Hopwood Hall College, in what our councillors will try to laughably convince you is the “educational...

Syrian Parents outraged by cost of Trips to Disneyland

Syrian parents took to social media yesterday in support of Jon Platt, the British father who the Supreme Court deemed to have broken the law by taking his daughter to DisneyLand during term time. “It...

Britain fails GCSE Economics, Business Studies, French, German, Spanish and History

Great Britain was disappointed to learn that she has completely failed GCSE ecomomics, business studies, history, French, German and Spanish today. While GCSE pass rates have generally been on the rise Britain managed to completely...

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden Travelodge this afternoon. Twatbasketry, a noun, is defined as 'Pertaining to...
Prison Bars

Rochdale Prison To Hold Open Day

A popular Rochdale prison is to hold an open day this July to help spread awareness of the work they do. HM Prison Buckley Hall is a Category C men's prison in the Buckley district...
Theresa May

Only a grammar truth in May’s PMQs

In this week's PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what's left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa May about her unpopular plans to reintroduce the Grammar school...

Corbyn electoral commission investigation for bribing one million media studies students

Jeremy Corbyn has apparently been put under investigation by the electoral commission after reports emerged that he has allegedly offered one million arts, drama and media studies students tax free bribes of £50,000 each to vote for the Labour Partyp

Terror in the skies Part 2

The editor of The Rochdale Herald was left horrified aboard a flight to Rhodes yesterday after reading an article in a copy of The Telegraph he "found". "Most undergrads can't tell the difference between Burgundy and...

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