Education

As pupils prepare to merrily go back to school their parents are preparing for the big celebration. In recent years, parents have been edging ever-closer to the ultimate goal of total protection, a nirvana of...

Scientists have devised a new unit to measure inactivity that they're calling the Corbyn. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "We've been trying for some time to come up with a measure of...

Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the past". The Rochdale Herald has this to say: 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011...

Didier Noyu, who identifies as an‘Anarcho-Realist’, admits to making up schools of thought for shits and giggles. “My latest one was ‘meta-post-structuralism’,” Noyu writes via encrypted email. “It means absolutely nothing, and I applied...

There was fantastic news for around 52% of the country today, as the famous School of Hard knocks officially announced their brand new subsidiary nursery 'the Kindergarten of Common Sense' will open from 2020. The...

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime numbers. A prime number is a number that can only be...

Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function" as a common factor amongst many footballers who, the study...

As part of the government's recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of 'On The Job' training. Ian Jaggs, speaking...

The University of Life's School of Law is under investigation today after a study found that 98% of its graduates don't understand the basic principles of the law. Chief Inspector Bill Board told us, "The...

As we do every year, every damn year, we headed down to Rochdale Sixth Form College. Next to Hopwood Hall College, in what our councillors will try to laughably convince you is the “educational...

An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school dressed in full Waffen SS regalia. We contacted Gareth's father, Mr Trevor...

In this week's PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what's left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa May about her unpopular plans to reintroduce the Grammar school...

A popular Rochdale prison is to hold an open day this July to help spread awareness of the work they do. HM Prison Buckley Hall is a Category C men's prison in the Buckley district...

Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet. A lower-level investigation is planned in Swanley's School of Hard Knocks. Mr Teachers...

The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers. In an article entitled, 'Let our teachers be heros' ...

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...