Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”

Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of the Sutton Coldfield Institute of Bullying told the Herald, "What...
Bubble Wrap

Bubble wrap producers report record sales as schools prepare for new year

As pupils prepare to merrily go back to school their parents are preparing for the big celebration. In recent years, parents have been edging ever-closer to the ultimate goal of total protection, a nirvana of...
Book

World book day sparked hate incident

An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school dressed in full Waffen SS regalia. We contacted Gareth's father, Mr Trevor...
Schoolgirls wearing hijabs

Community schools plan morning assemblies in Mosques

Community schools are to hold mandatory morning assemblies in Mosques across the borough, it has been announced. Rochdale Council made the announcement earlier today, releasing this statement on their Facebook page: "Times are changing as our...
Terminator

Kids told not to worry about GCSE results as they will be ‘no use’...

Children have been told that GCSE's will be of no use in the coming land war with the robots. The education Secretary Justine Greening has revealed her plan to back what she calls "more realistic...

Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal

Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function" as a common factor amongst many footballers who, the study...

Left wing politics should be kept out of schools, say right wing parents

People who are quite happy to have their kids going to schools where the armed forces recruit, monarchy is glorified and the status quo of modern free market capitalism is drummed into their...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the past". The Rochdale Herald has this to say: 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011...

Corbyn electoral commission investigation for bribing one million media studies students

Jeremy Corbyn has apparently been put under investigation by the electoral commission after reports emerged that he has allegedly offered one million arts, drama and media studies students tax free bribes of £50,000 each to vote for the Labour Partyp

Terror in the skies Part 2

The editor of The Rochdale Herald was left horrified aboard a flight to Rhodes yesterday after reading an article in a copy of The Telegraph he "found". "Most undergrads can't tell the difference between Burgundy and...

Syrian Parents outraged by cost of Trips to Disneyland

Syrian parents took to social media yesterday in support of Jon Platt, the British father who the Supreme Court deemed to have broken the law by taking his daughter to DisneyLand during term time. “It...

Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce

A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person could imagine. Not wanting to be left behind Rochdale Council jumped...
Professor

Department of Education announce Degree in Hindsight to prevent all future tragedies

Civil servants and politicians from a wide range of governmental departments are throwing their weight behind a Department of Education proposal to create a highly-specialised degree course in Hindsight. "Everyone knows that after every disaster...

OUTRAGE as Middle Eastern immigrant cast as Mary in school nativity play

A Rochdale primary school has come under fire from parents for casting a 9 year old Palestinian immigrant as the virgin Mary in the school's annual nativity play. Hanna, whose Christian Palestinian family travelled to...
Teenagers

A-Level students share their entertaining delusions about making the world a better place

As we do every year, every damn year, we headed down to Rochdale Sixth Form College. Next to Hopwood Hall College, in what our councillors will try to laughably convince you is the “educational...

That God person is a pervert say parents of transgender kids

A primary school has become the center of a row when it taught religion to transgender pupils. St Andgreavsey's primary school faced a parents revolt after the largely transgender pupils were taught that...

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