Great Britain was disappointed to learn that she has completely failed GCSE ecomomics, business studies, history, French, German and Spanish today.

While GCSE pass rates have generally been on the rise Britain managed to completely flunk almost every subject.

For the first time GCSEs are being graded from 9 to 1 with A’s obviously being mines or ones.

England and Wales have decided to leave school early to pursue a career in poverty rather than resit the exams in September.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.