National News

Our survey of Rochdale couples reveals cryptocurrencies are now the top reason for removal from dinner party guest lists. In our extensive survey, which we quickly conducted in Rochdale Town Centre whilst folks are still...

The editor of the Rochdale Herald, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been knighted for services to fake news. Mr Fortesqueue, 58, said he was delighted to receive the honour as it would make people take...

Theresa May’s goal as Prime Minister is to ensure that people don’t remember David Cameron’s premiership as the worst in history, it has emerged. Speaking outside Number 10 Downing Street, press spokesman Arnold Robinson said,...

UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to prove that he was present at the Hillsborough disaster in...

British retail workers have revealed that they're looking forward to signing on with blue passports. Cliff Edge told us, "Not having a job or any money will be a drag. I'll probably be feeling quite...

A Rochdale resident has announced he's suing Ancestory.com after a DNA test showed he shares 60% of his DNA with a banana.  He's citing inaccuracies in the data namely, that he's not a banana as his grounds...

A hard working mother in West London is so desperate to get her children to eat vegetables she has put out a call for help on social media. Sally Du Lally of Ealing told The...

A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work. Trevor Duckworth, 43, was full of vigour, after a brilliant weekend....

A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both the toothbrush and the iPhone charger he took with him. Steve...

The controversy over the U.S. National Security Advisor position continues as Trump’s most recent nominee for the position, retired vice admiral Robert S Harward, rejected the appointment.  Harward stated that he felt that the administration, much like a...

Two mortgage lenders have announced that from 2018 they will accept the harvested organs of buyers with small deposits in a bid to attract first-time buyers. Yorkshire Building Society has introduced a new two-year fixed...

Amber Rudd has resigned as Home Secretary, saying she "inadvertently misled" MPs over which policies of her predecessor, Theresa May, she was continuing to follow.  The policies themselves remain unchanged, but the Home Secretary...

The United Kingdom was very giddy to learn today that there are just 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals left to be revealed before Christmas. Santa Claus has already put the finishing touches to the naughty and...

Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass. The grenade, nicknamed "Dementia Tax" was apparently inserted into May's rear...

Following news today that Prince William asked various drug users about their views on current drug laws, The Rochdale Herald was approached by a source close to royal. Well, a source who knows someone...