National News

Women across the UK have taken to social media to appeal to their families to not buy them “shite” presents this year.

Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.

There was anger on the streets of Rochdale last night as "Cockwomble" was controversially left out of Ofcom's Top 10 of swear words. Ofcom, an organisation notoriously dominated by Cockney Wankers filling the sort of...

As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give a shit. A yellow weather alert warning of icy conditions from...

Retailer John Lewis has released its Christmas advert for 2017 which shows a cute puppy being fed into an industrial strength blender. The eagerly anticipated two minute clip, directed by Quentin Tarantino, shows the blending...

Passengers from both sides of the Pennines travelling on a train between Manchester and Leeds are united in agreement that a young, overly keen recruitment consultant on the phone sounds like a bit of...

Experts say that life expectancy in Wolverhampton has soared after the McDonalds on Dudley Street was closed on Monday and Tuesday due to strike action. Queues formed just after the school busses arrived in...

Conservatives clap to celebrate clear lead as misdirectional muppetry f/makes news yet again after the Telegraph published the definitely not at all orchestrated and not tailored to a chosen demographic ICM poll results. "It's a genius plan,...

The boss of a Rochdale mobile phone tech support company, Globally Integrated Mobile Phone Solutions, has been telling the Herald how electric shock therapy is helping recharge his workforce's batteries. Oli Chopper-Mystique, GIMPS director of...

You heard it here last. Internet expert in everything and porn enthusiast @JailbaitPlanet has scandalised so called “experts” and “professional historians” by revealing in a compelling YouTube video that the Roman Empire was more than...

  It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any office. The research, carried out in UK workplaces over the last...

We keep hearing Donald saying he's going to make America great again, sounds good to us but we were curious to find out when precisely it was great. So we asked Douglas to do some...

As the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's first election looms, we met Gordon Ottershaw (49) of Wetherby who maintains Thatcher stole his ability to be on the right side of the class struggle. Gordon...

A Rochdale man has come to the realisation he's middle aged after sustaining a neck injury whilst putting on a jumper. Stan Still, 38, said, "I was stood getting ready for work. It's still chilly...

The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view its brand. The Express hired a Moscow based marketing firm...

In a massive boost for the right of The Labour Party, Owen Smith was spotted and recognised in a Tesco Express in Camden yesterday. Scum sucking traitorous coup plotting back stabbers rejoiced as the...