National News

The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques. In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny weather has really helped the economy. With much better growth...

The Mail and the Express allege that the silence of the clangs is meant to be a mark of respect timed to coincide with the twentieth anniversary of Princess Diana's death.

A man who’s wife has gone away for the weekend is yet to put his trousers on The Rochdale Herald has learned. Thomas Thomas of Nether Wallop in Hampshire, who has been left unsupervised since...

Theresa May is set to meet Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales to reassure him that the needs, plans, hopes and dreams of the Welsh Assembly will continue to be ignored by Westminster. Wales,...

Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor value of the pound, they were unable to procure enough...

A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool. Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather biker jacket from Superdry is supposed to make him look...

A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that they will be supporting Brazil in the football. Artemisa Yousir, originally...

It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of popular 1980s game show 'Bullseye'. The British pair, Dominic Raab and...

In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already visited. On Tuesday night, the Foreign Office issued a worldwide travel...

The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill judged drunken Tweets last night. Within them he also stated that victims...

Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.  It was standing room only in every single gym in the country with many people experiencing queues of...

A Rochdale man has told of his shock at discovering that some members of the British Army hold extreme right wing views. Cal Low, who fought at Arnhem despite being 2 years old at the...

After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware superstores and garden centres have been spotted migrating back to...

Women across the UK have taken to social media to appeal to their families to not buy them “shite” presents this year.

There was anger on the streets of Rochdale last night as "Cockwomble" was controversially left out of Ofcom's Top 10 of swear words. Ofcom, an organisation notoriously dominated by Cockney Wankers filling the sort of...

Men across the globe will celebrate International Men's Day today by being completely oblivious to the fact that it's International Men's Day. The annual event, which seeks to promote positive role models, gender equality and...