National News

Royal offspring are like the grown up children who return to the nest once they have completed their time in higher education. You think it's finally over but unlike the Geoff Hurst 1966 fourth...

Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home. The wankers, who can usually be seen stepping over homeless people and carefully avoiding...

A man has been fined for failing to take a picture of the rubbish he picked up on a beach and post it on social media. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear...

Tragedy stricken leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall (105), faced fresh disaster yesterday when he lost a close personal election in Stoke. "Everything was looking good, we were confident our misguided and bigoted message was getting...

A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby. Steve Dickinson from Rochdale is said to be extremely excited at...

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's 'The Stig.' The aim of the trial is to make both...

A Rochdale woman who has a “sweep it under the rug” approach to the elephant in the room is puzzled as to why her relationships always end badly. Edna Clowdes, 32, has been in and...

A 53 year-old man killed in a gigantic pants fire at his home in Upper Wally in Oxfordshire has been described by former colleagues as a complete prat. A second person, believed to be a...

New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the European Parliament's Fair Trade Advocacy Office in conjunction with the...

First time buyers struggling to raise the funds for a house deposit are being advised to smother an elderly relative for the inheritance by the Bank of England. Stricter lending rules, rising house prices and...

A new survey of social attitudes out earlier today has revealed that Torquay has turned into the Hate Capital of the UK overnight after groups of xenophobic, racist and ultra-right wing political activists gathered...

Arron Banks has taken a day off from calling for Britain to leave the EU so it can be free from the interference of EU laws to demand the police enforce EU laws. Banks, whose...

Patriots across Ingerlaand are furious today after hearing that it's Po Ling Day. “Why we celebrating some bleeding foreigner, eh?” spat Rochdale UKIP supporter Arthur Witt, “I didn't hear nuffing about Saint George's day the...

The world had thought that William's half-brother and something-or-other in line to the throne's days of causing controversy were over. But today, a new scandal is threatening to envelope the Crown. Shocking pictures have...

Those remarkably eloquent phonetician's over at WANCOff (The Wordsmiths, Arithmeticians and Number Crunchers Office) have enjoyed the last few years of Conservative Government. Over this period there has been a huge upsurge in idiocy in...

Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not "bluffing" on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi! In an interview with the BBC's Andrew Marr she squeaked a...