Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home.

The wankers, who can usually be seen stepping over homeless people and carefully avoiding eye contact with old ladies with charity collection tins, have insisted that “charity begins at home” and that “we should look after own first.”

“Hypothetically obviously.” Said Dave Brexit, a semi-professional shoplifter, from Oldham. “I mean we should hypothetically look after our own, not actually look after our own.”

“If I’m not going to give money to charity I want to not give money to British charities to not help British people rather than not give money to foreign charities to not help foreigns. Yeah?”

“If I paid tax I wouldn’t want none of it going abroad. Obviously charity begins at home.”

Michelle Mills, 56, a retired librarian and Daily Express reader said: “I read in the Express that everybody in Africa gets a free house with gold taps paid for out of the UK’s foreign aid budget.”

“I have normal taps in my house. It’s outrageous that British taxpayers have to make do with flushing their normal toilets with drinking water while Sudanese subsistence farmers are washing their bottoms on solid gold bidets paid for by me.”

“Not me specifically, but you know, hypothetically.”

“If I was going to help somebody, which I’m not saying I am, they should at the very least live really nearby and have the decency to not be a bit brown.”

“It’s an outrage.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.