It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any office.

The research, carried out in UK workplaces over the last 3 years, found a direct correlation between lack of personality and how much someone talked about tea. In one shocking case, a tea drinker would parade a teapot around the office wearing a ‘Keep Calm and Drink Tea’ t-shirt – just in case anyone didn’t already know that he drank tea.

One colleague was forced witnessed the sorry attention-seeking display on almost a daily basis, “Teapot? Tosspot more like. It’s actually much easier for him to take the back stairs and not parade around. Like anyone’s impressed that he can boil a kettle”.

Dr Collins headed up the research and told us, “The problem isn’t with the drink itself – it’s with the people who have such little personality that they attempt to make themselves interesting by way of a hot beverage. But at the end of the day, it’s a teabag in hot water. Get a life.”

The findings revealed the saddest losers of them all are those who bring their own cup into work, insist milk goes in first or last or whatever, and mention tea in their social media bio.