After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation’s middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware superstores and garden centres have been spotted migrating back to Britain.
With Habitats disappearing from high streets and indigenous Homebases under threat, it was feared unfavourable trading conditions would prevent their return.
Lawnithologist Brian Smethwick commented, ‘This morning I was staring forlornly out of the kitchen window wondering if I’d ever buy Weed n Feed again, when I was suddenly deafened by the tannoy announcements from a flock of B&Qs passing overhead. Their beautiful orange signage was mesmerising in the dawn light.”
“‘It’s so exciting, I’ve cleaned out the boot of my car and bought a new pair of readers. The telephone has been ringing all morning, a few of us garden guys are meeting up at the retail parks to watch them land.”
“A friend of mine has circled a pair of Wickes in his A to Z, a male and a female. I don’t know how he tells them apart!”
“I’ve been putting cash aside to feed them and it’s so tempting to approach them straight away but they’ll need to restock after being away for Christmas.”
When asked about her husband’s relationship with hardware stores, Mrs Smethwick added;
“I’m thankful they’ve returned, hopefully it’ll stop him moaning about the demise of the Maplin.”
