Babies born in Britain today to hear about home ownership via myths and legends
Researchers from the Rochdale Institute for Social Morphology released today the results of their latest study into the changing oral traditions of the British...
Bloke from the Student Loans Company still thinks they’re getting their money back
A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back...
Queen to greet Donald Trump with narwhal tusk
Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK...
Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer
Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Vote leave caught cheating at tombola
The vote leave campaign have today received a stern glare and a verbal ticking off for cheating at the village fete tombola.
It turns out...
Britain faces Sophie’s choice over which incompetent arsehole leads it
Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it.
A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the...
Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update
Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...
OED announces Word Of The Year
The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden...
Labour reports sophisticated cyberattack after Jeremy Corbyn’s MySpace account is hacked
The Labour Party has announced that it has been the subject of a cyberattack today.
A spokesman told us, "We first became aware of the...
What time is it Mr Woolfe?
Steven Woolfe, a total barrister who serves as a legal adviser to hedge fund managers and bankers narrowly missed his chance to become replacement...
Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW
A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...
UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan
The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan.
Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...
Three billion seems reasonable for boat with hole in it, says Government responsible for...
The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of...
UKIP Historian reveals Russia didn’t invade Afghanistan and Hitler was misunderstood
Acclaimed UKIP historian and shit stirrer extraordinaire, Arron Banks, took to Twitter yesterday to point out that "the Russians didn't invade Afghanistan."
The historian and...
There’s way more to choosing where to poo than you realise Dog tells owner
"There's way more to choosing where to poo than you realise" Bobby, a 5 year old Chocolate Lab from York has told The Rochdale...
Corbyn to sell your cat to pay for a statue of Lenin, confirms BBC
The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin.
The...
