Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall in surprise bid to become MP for Covfefe

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In a move which has delighted the electorate of Boston and Skegness, Nuttall has transferred his allegiance. Nutcase claims divine intervention: "According to the Gospel of...

Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry

Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being...
Rock, Paper, Scissors

Council election draw decided by ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’

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In a remarkable turn of events, there have been two draws in results in the Local Council elections. Northumberland County Council saw Conservative and Liberal...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

This drive is not for driving

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Your neighbour has confirmed he won’t be parking his car in his drive. He believes that the role of his drive is to provide an...

Local commuters in conversation horror near miss

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One person was mortified and several others were left badly discomforted today after routine niceties at a bus stop almost ended in a conversation. The incident,...

Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

Psychic wins EuroMillions for sixth week running

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A Rochdale based psychic has won the Euromillions lottery for the sixth week running. In an interview conducted 7 weeks ago Psychic Islet told us,...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

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Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...

Vicar attacked for dropping Easter from Easter Sunday

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A 45 year-old Rochdale man is recovering in hospital today after being attacked for not referring to this coming Sunday as ‘Easter Sunday’. The victim,...

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

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At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
Range Rover

Range Rover found parked inside the lines

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There are concerns for the welfare of the owner of a Range Rover found parked within the white lines of just two parking spaces...

War of the Roses: The Rematch

1
Rochdalians reacted with righteous fury over news of what is seen at best as an aggressive land grab and, at worst, a declaration of...

Couple still at bottle bank

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A Rochdale couple is now entering their third day of disposing of bottles at their local bottle bank.
Woman and Cat

My cats are like my children, says woman whose cat raped stranger in bush...

A woman whose cats regularly rape strangers in bushes on nights out has insisted that her cats are like her children. Part time hairdresser Barbara...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

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A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High...

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