Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...

Danczuk Less Popular than standing in dog shit

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Here at the Herald we've seen numerous "news" sources state that Britain's answer to Donald Trump has considerable support amongst Labour Party members. We somehow...

LATEST – Burnley moves even closer to life in colour

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Residents of Burnley moved one step closer to a life lived in colour this week. The Rochdale Herald recently reported Burnley...

Really clean woman furious with ‘Not OCD’ diagnosis

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A local woman is said to be furious to discover that she isn't actually OCD. "I clean the floor and hoover the curtains three times...
House Price

Rochdale Residents excited at house price rises in Post-Apocalypse Britain

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in...
Trump Flag

I’ve just made a life size jelly of Donald Trump, I fear I may...

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“You have to send help.” Dr Thump implored the emergency operator. “If this jelly gets out of my fridge there is no telling what it will do. It might start a nuclear war or worse.”

Industrial Action Threatened as British Workers Jobs at Threat in Languages Row

Reports that several British workers have had their employment terminated from the world famous British sofa manufacturer Zestra, because they failed to learn Polish...

Poll reveals public wants good old fashioned political sex scandal

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A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore.  Carried out at the...

Pretentious Burnley couple having a thanksgiving dinner can’t understand why nobody’s coming

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A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...
Children At Christmas

Only 4 more Prime Ministers until Christmas, say children

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Excitement at a Rochdale school is building after pupils discovered there are only 4 more Prime Ministers until Christmas. One teacher at the Robert Mugabe...
Factory Fire

Explosion in Burnley pie factory causes £3.14159265359 of damage

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Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit,...

OUTRAGE as famous Rochdale nudist beach is closed for “cultural reasons”

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There was OUTRAGE in Rochdale this afternoon after council documents were leaked to The Rochdale Herald about the forthcoming closure of the world famous...

Scatter Cushion Killer walks free

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Rochdale Crown Court today saw the conclusion of the now infamous "Scatter Cushion Slaying" case. The accused, Abraham Smith (54), from the Sink Estate pleaded...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...
Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan...
Dickheads with fireworks

Getting pissed and setting off fireworks near children is dangerous, experts warn

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Dickheads armed with fireworks have been urged to “please not kill anyone” this bonfire night, as it emerged how pissing about with explosives after...

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