Put a top on, you’re not Poldark man told.

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A Rochdale man has been told to put a top on whilst he does the gardening as he's in no danger of ever being...

Topless Danczuk in topless holiday prison catfight scandal

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The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk's had been holidaying in his property. Simon Danczuk, God...

Apology after nativity bites in Rochdale

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A church in Rochdale has issued an apology and removed two donkeys from it's nativity scene following an incident yesterday involving one of the...

Pretentious Burnley couple having a thanksgiving dinner can’t understand why nobody’s coming

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A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...

Shock as traces of vegetables found in supermarket ready meals

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Food enthusiasts have demanded an enquiry after research showed that as many as 1 in 10 supermarket ready meals contain trace amounts of vegetables. A...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

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A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High...

Man saying all lives matter wants Navy to torpedo boats full of refugees

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A Rochdale man who keeps saying that all lives matter is also in favour of the Royal Navy being used to torpedo boats carrying...
Prison Bars

Rochdale Prison To Hold Open Day

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A popular Rochdale prison is to hold an open day this July to help spread awareness of the work they do. HM Prison Buckley Hall...

Attenborough spotted in Rochdale as folk turn primitive

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Residents of Rochdale coming to terms with the swear ban are having to learn how to communicate from scratch. Restricted from their usual expletive fuelled...

Dead burglar to get state funeral

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A Rochdale burglar who was killed whilst at work will receive a state funeral.  Councillor Tom Walsh said, "This man wasn't any old burgular. He...
Man with mug of tea

Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink

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In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

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German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently...

EU kebab ban receives chilli reception in Burnley

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The EU move to ban phosphates in donner kebabs has sent a shockwave through the British culinary world. Keith Braithwaite, local restaurateur and winner of...
Luxury goods shop

Local luxury goods firm goes bust

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  High end retailer, Lewis Veeton Moway, has closed its doors for the last time, citing poor sales despite a massive promotional campaign. Rupert Cholmondley-Featherstonehaugh, the...

Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle

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Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints...

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