Manchester tram ‘spontaneous combustion’ victim named

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Commuters were left stunned this morning when Londoner Harry Turner spontaneously burst into flames aboard a Manchester tram.  The tragedy occurred after he was forced...

Dog awards Michelin star to cat litter tray

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Rover Thomson, a five year old chocolate labrador from Newlyn, has awarded a Michelin star to the cat litter tray located in his family...

OUTRAGE as famous Rochdale nudist beach is closed for “cultural reasons”

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There was OUTRAGE in Rochdale this afternoon after council documents were leaked to The Rochdale Herald about the forthcoming closure of the world famous...

Fresh Controversy As Rochdale Council Rolls Out New Voting System

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Rochdale Council were under fire yet again today as councilors unveiled their latest vote counting intiative for the forthcoming re-referendum. Last Thursday's trial run of...

Attenborough spotted in Rochdale as folk turn primitive

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Residents of Rochdale coming to terms with the swear ban are having to learn how to communicate from scratch. Restricted from their usual expletive fuelled...

Drowning Man Rescued from Gorton Pothole

Following a night out with his mates, a man who fell into a pothole in Gorton, Manchester was rescued by a passing stranger. The...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...

Rochdale woman shocked when confronted by reality

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Rochdale bride Shanice Kerslake was reduced to tears when a Marks and Spencer boss declared her wedding cake "shit". Mrs Kerslake, 52, had designed the...
Fat Man Gym

Man begins month long quest to get fit

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In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given...

22 year old discovers new green job is actually vegetable picking

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A 22 year old Rochdale resident has told us that his new 'green' job is actually just picking vegetables for £3.50 an hour. Bill Board,...

Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on...

Rochdale – Labour NEC “Can’t find its arse with both hands”

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In the face of the least popular Tory Government since the Peterloo Massacre, Labour has decided not to bother being an opposition of any...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance

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Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The...
Danczuk

Rochdale Online to give Danczuk day off

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In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He...

Poll reveals public wants good old fashioned political sex scandal

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A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore.  Carried out at the...

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