Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

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Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...

Child believes summers are warm and England are good at football

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Worrying news reaches us from a Rochdale suburb of a child who has not yet learned the truth There are certain core truths you learn...

Couple sentenced to five years in soft play centre for having unprotected sex

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A Yorkshire couple have received a five year suspended sentence for having unprotected sex. The sentence, which has been suspended for two years, is the...
Rochdale Riverside

Rochdale unaffected by US Government shutdown confirms Council chief

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Rochdale - The leader of Rochdale Borough Council, Councillor Allen Brett, has reassured residents of the town that they won't be affected by the...

Local man feels a right twat after putting his back out in the gym

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Local man Steve Dickinson (39 and a half) put his back out this morning in the gym whilst trying to get fit for a...

Rochdale Twin Towns To Be Replaced Post-Brexit

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In line with the decision taken by the government that following the UK's departure from the EU, British towns will no longer be allowed...

Liberal hospitalised after catching racism from Daily Mail

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A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a...

Gay traffic lights turn pavements to mince

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Transport for London have overstepped the mark by introducing gay traffic lights according to Rochdale father of two, Arthur Branesell. "Its outrageous! There's one with...
Man Reading Menu

Man pretending to understand the wine list

A man is trying his very hardest to look like he understands the wine list in a restaurant. Steve Dickinson was handed the wine list...

Burnley Nativity Play cancelled after search for 3 wise men and virgin ends in...

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Burnley Council has been forced to cancel its annual community Nativity Play for the 126th consecutive year in succession. After another exhaustive search of the...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...
Dickheads with fireworks

Getting pissed and setting off fireworks near children is dangerous, experts warn

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Dickheads armed with fireworks have been urged to “please not kill anyone” this bonfire night, as it emerged how pissing about with explosives after...

Smug Husband packs Christmas shop into fridge

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A smug father of two from Bolton has taken the plaudits of his close friends and family as he managed to pack away all...

Rochdale TV Company Suffers Latest Blow

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Executives at Rotherham based media company Hot Pot Productions were left floundering today after yet another blow, the announcement that their flagship production, a...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...

Manchester residents perform ceremony to bring rain back

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Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain. Dr...

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