Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack
Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...
Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket
There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey...
Rochdale woman drinks Gin Advent Calendar on Saturday night
A Rochdale woman has woken today and realised that she spent last night drinking all the Gin in her Fever-Tree Ultimate Gin Advent Calendar.
Orla...
Man saying all lives matter wants Navy to torpedo boats full of refugees
A Rochdale man who keeps saying that all lives matter is also in favour of the Royal Navy being used to torpedo boats carrying...
Grandparent babysitting for half term wonders “Is it too early for a drink?” Monday...
A grandparent who nonchalantly offered to babysit for the entire half term week has already wondered if it's too early for a drink?
Granny Syllable,...
Rochdale Clown Scare – only Danczuk
Fears that the Killer Clown Scare had found its way from the United States to Rochdale have been given a custard pie in the...
Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding
Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their...
Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet
In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...
Black death condemned for being racist
Traditional remedies, like bleeding and mercury, have proved ineffective. Complementary therapists have suggested vaccination, but have been dismissed by mothers who prefer their infants to die naturally rather than to become autistic church goers.
Iconic Rochdale Bridge Reopens
An iconic Rochdale landmark built in the 14th Century has reopened after it was obscured from the public for over a hundred years.
The bridge over the river Roch in heart of Rochdale's town centre was partly obliterated in a terrorist incident in 1903, and then paved over to make way for Rochdale's pioneering new tram network.
GMP Rochdale Plan Devolving Police Powers
A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since...
Britain’s first Dog Fighting arena to get go ahead in Rochdale
The often misunderstood sport of dog fighting will soon move from the underground scene to a purpose-built two-hundred seat arena in Rochdale. With a...
Norman Conquest renamed as nobody wanted a King Norman I
The Normans, with their cry of "Battle Means Battle!" defeated the English army, shooting an arrow into the eye of the English King Harold. Bet he didn't see that coming.
Dead burglar to get state funeral
A Rochdale burglar who was killed whilst at work will receive a state funeral.
Councillor Tom Walsh said, "This man wasn't any old burgular. He...
Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof
A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The...
Rochdale Infirmary to Trial Office Hours
Due to severe cut backs, Rochdale Infirmary is to trial working office hours only. This is a first in the UK since the inception...
