Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...
Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...

Rochdale woman who found Hitler’s face on slice of toast converts to Nazism

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A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

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In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...

Homeless Bloke says Stop buying me McDonald’s, I’m homeless not f***ing desperate

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A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he's fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald's meals. David Wild...

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...

Wife suspects husband of having an affair with his shed

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A wife has begun to suspect her husband of having an affair with his shed. “He was the most doting husband when we first married,”...
Factory Fire

Explosion in Burnley pie factory causes £3.14159265359 of damage

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Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit,...
Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

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Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...

Well I’ve never caught anything off my kids before, Facebook mum lies

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Before 2020, Rochdale mum Di Coughlan had rarely posted anything other than pictures of her adorable children and grimacing husband.  That all changed a...
Dog covered in fox shit

If I’d wanted to smell of shampoo I wouldn’t have rolled in fox shit...

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A Labrador Retriever from Rochdale was feeling aggrieved today after her owner callously pulled rank over her choice of fragrance. Luna Goodgirl, aged 3, told...

Man in his 30’s caught using Snapchat

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32 year old office worker Damian Green from Middleton has admitted using snapchat in a desperate attempt to look "cool" and "down with the...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...

Fears for Missing Dog as owners reveal ‘he just wanted to know who’s a...

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There are fears for the safety of a missing Rochdale Golden Retriever who is reportedly suffering an "existential crisis."

Rochdale Bypass Approved

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The rest of the UK today approved a bypass scheme for Rochdale. Using an EU grant while it is still available, the plan entails...

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