Trading Standards to prosecute Gastro Pub for using plates

A new gastro pub, The Pissed Idiot, in Rochdale is under investigation by trading standards after allegedly serving food on actual plates rather than on old dustbin lids and chopping boards. "We've received reports of...

Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry

Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being held for questioning by Greater Manchester Police under new anti-misandry...

Rochdale Clown Scare – only Danczuk

Fears that the Killer Clown Scare had found its way from the United States to Rochdale have been given a custard pie in the face today. Headteacher of Wiggingbottom Primary school in Rochdale had to...

Local Entrepreneur Makes Big Hit On Dragon’s Den

Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took him from pitch to rich. "I love doing this show" a...

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Simon Danczuk

It's been a fairly typical week for Rochdale's "MP" after he found himself at the centre of another embarrassing shit storm. In another in a series of decisions Simon has lived to regret, which have...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the teeth for old timer Jack Jacobs aka 'Dentures'. One eye witness...

Red hot poker denies involvement in death of Edward II

Edward’s distraught widow, Isabella of France, and his best friend, Roger Mortimer, have declared in a joint statement that they will get to the bottom of Edward’s death...

Apology after nativity bites in Rochdale

A church in Rochdale has issued an apology and removed two donkeys from it's nativity scene following an incident yesterday involving one of the cast. Following complaints from animal rights campaigners who likened the scene...

Man saying all lives matter wants Navy to torpedo boats full of refugees

A Rochdale man who keeps saying that all lives matter is also in favour of the Royal Navy being used to torpedo boats carrying refugees. Bill Board, who lives in a 2 bedroom terrace house...

Fury as Brexit voter can’t get tee off time at Golf Club he isn’t...

Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can't get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.

Embarrassment as all members of EDL Halloween party dressed as spooky ghosts

The Rochdale branch of the English Defence League face fresh controversy this week after an embarrassing mishap at the annual members Halloween party. "We've had some bad press recently and the annual Halloween fancy dress...

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated cases resulted in the death of sixteen members.  Problems seemed to...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the company used to assess work capacity, has come under fire...

Brexit Deal Threatens Iconic Rochdale Signpost

One of Rochdale's most iconic landmarks, the Welcome to Rochdale; Arsehole of Europe' signpost, has come under threat as Britain gears up for leaving the EU. Rochdale has held the official European 'Arsehole' title for...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...
Alpha Male

Man who refers to himself as an ‘alpha-male’ actually just a dickhead

A man from Rochdale who refers to himself as an 'alpha-male' is in fact just a bit of a dickead sources have revealed. The news follows reports of a man in Rochdale who refers to...

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