The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let alone a mass murder.

Despite 24/7 media coverage to the contrary from impartial news outlets such as Fox News, Britain First and Donald Trump’s Twitter account, Muslims such as Hafsah from Rochdale watched some telly and went to the shops without murdering anybody at all.

We sent our intern Douglas upstairs to peek through the office porthole and he said he couldn’t see any rioting Muslims at all. Which we thought was odd because Donald Trump’s Twitter account say otherwise.

Quite why Fox News, which is coincidentally owned by the same chap who allegedly owns almost 6% of the Israeli oil company Genie which has a huge stake in Syrian oilfields, is perpetuating this terrifying news cycle is beyond us.

Why Donald Trump, who keeps a copy of Hitler’s speeches beside his bed, who has the worst approval rating of any US President in history would need to try to galvanise public opinion against a religious minority to shore up is political base, or where he got the idea to for that matter, is beyond us also.

Cynics might say a war in Syria and a terrified public in the US ravenously consuming news media on a daily basis would be good for business, provided you owned an oil company, a media empire and needed a nice large distraction from your own failings as a president..

Not us though, we wouldn’t say that.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.