English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony
Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”
Shock as a US Police Department goes a whole day without shooting somebody
There was consternation across the US yesterday after the police department in Bumshart Nebrahoma went a whole day without shooting an unarmed black civilian.
Heavily...
French Head of Military resigns after Macron cuts £1bn from White Flag Budget
General Pierre de Villiers today sensationally quit as Head of the French Military in a row over cuts to the French White Flag budget.
General...
Kim and Kanye arrive at White House to plead for Melania’s freedom
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are reported to be heading to the White House in order to plead for Melania Trump's freedom.
A press officer...
Obama and Biden spend last afternoon playing ‘hide the turd’ at White House
Outgoing President and his VP Joe Biden have spent their last afternoon in office playing 'hide the turd' in The White House.
Four horsemen of the modern apocalypse revealed to be Fire, Fury, Sad and Fake
In a move designed to drag them kicking and screaming into the new era, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are to be retired...
Trump To Build Ladder To The Moon
President Donald Trump has confirmed that America is to build the world’s first ladder to the Moon.
At a White House press conference Trump stated...
Playboy bunnies to be re-homed at The Whitehouse
After the sad passing of millionaire feminist Hugh (the Hef) Hefner the dilemma of what to do with the dozens of now ownerless and...
I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...
A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he...
Rogue State Threatens World Peace By Threatening To Totally Destroy North Korea
A rogue nation, governed by a lunatic, could be about to start a nuclear war on North Korea.
The country, known in its native tongue...
Massive weapon condemns massive weapon’s massive weapon test
A massive weapon took to social media this morning to condemn the massive weapon test of another massive weapon.
It's unclear at this point who...
Trump appoints Rochdale Herald editor chief of intelligence
More details have been emerging of the structure of the Trump elected new administration which is taking shape.
Amid the circulating rumours of secret talks...
Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump to measure micro-willies at summit
Thin-skinned, narcissistic, alternative-reality dwelling clown Donald Trump and "Nuclear" lunatic Kim-Jong Un are to make history by meeting later in the year to engage...
ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts
So called 'Islamic State' have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.
A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Trump to celebrate Father’s Day by bathing in the tears of abducted child immigrants
US President Donald Trump is to celebrate his second Father's Day in the White House by having a bath filled with the tears of...
Sean Spicer suspended from Labour Party over Hitler comments
Tom Watson has announced this morning that the White House press secretary, Sean Spicer is to be investigated by the Labour Party for anti-Semitic...
