Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own.

Trump tweeted that, “Spicer was a great guy. I’ll miss seeing him on Saturday Night Live. But there’s no chance his audience was as big as mine. His audience is as tiny as my hands.”

Mr Spicer is to be replaced by financier Anthony Scaramucci. Mr Scaramucci got off to a rocky start as it was revealed he doesn’t speak English.
One White House reporter told us, “This is obviously an attempt to avoid answering questions. I saw him ordering a pizza the other day. He could speak English perfectly well then.”

It’s alleged that Mr Scaramucci is also more capable of hiding in the White House bushes to avoid the press. Something Mr Spicer always struggled with.

The declaration comes 24 hours after Trump insisted that the audience for O.J. Simpsons trial will pale into comparison to his own. Mr Trump is thought to have been roused to make the comment after US television networks interrupted regular broadcasts to televise the verdict of Simpsons parole hearing.

Trump is alleged to have told aides,”Simpson thinks he’s such a big shot. Well let me tell you, my parole hearing will get 1000x the attention his did. My trial won’t be the trial of the century. The audience for that will make it the trial of the millennium.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.