Downing Street has confirmed that Gibraltar is to be closed.
With the success of Brexit guaranteeing the ability to launder money in the U.K., at home, Gibraltar has outlived its purpose.
“It’s not like we’ll need it for a naval base, we’ve pretty much done away with ships.” A spokesman expanded. “And we won’t need it as a tax haven as soon as we leave the EU. So the best possible outcome, so I don’t lose the berth for my yacht on the Costa del Sol, is that we close down Gibraltar.”
The residents of Gibraltar will be offered an apartment within Spain along with a photograph of The Rock.
“But it’s not going to be lights out tomorrow.” The spokesman added. “We’re going to mine out the actual rock and use the ore in roadworks in Westminster, so MPs can symbolically walk over it on the way to work.”
Once the peninsula is hollowed out a series of advanced, small nuclear warhead tests will be carried out inside.
“This will rock.” The spokesman clarified, with a smirk. “It’s not really enough to just have conventional warheads to sell to the gulf states, increasingly they are demanding tactical nuclear warheads. This is going to be a boom industry and Global Britain is not going to miss out.”
The spokesman further explained that turning Gibraltar into a glowing shell will have the added benefit of fucking off the Spanish, and other Spanish speaking peoples, a move which will allow Lord Howard to sleep easier at night.