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Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants’ school in Rochdale, he sat in on a few classes. When a maths lesson was announced, the children...

Time Team special feature digging for past evidence of honesty in British politics

Tony Robinson is expected to take to Twitter this evening to announce an upcoming ‘Time Team’ special feature in which he and the gang will dig up great swathes of the countryside searching for...

Theresa May unable to un-grit her teeth after assuring Boris that he can keep...

Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon. Whilst seen as a potential aid to her speech in Florence on Thursday based on...

Statistics confirm three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

Miley Cyrus to sue Boris Johnson for £350M over unauthorised cover of “Wrecking Ball”

The worlds of entertainment and politics appear to have combined this morning with the speculation that pop superstar Miley Cyrus is expected to sue professional mop head Boris Johnson over his unauthorised cover of...

Firefighters summoned to giant pants fire after Boris repeats inflammatory £350M NHS claim

Firefighters were summoned to a giant pants fire this morning after Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson repeated his £350M NHS Brexit claim. The emergency services responded rapidly with numerous units, including ladders and axes and lots...

Rees-mogg to donate communion wafers to food banks to alleviate hunger with uplifting religious...

Community pressure group VFAC (Vegan Food Advocates for Catholicism) have reacted with dismay today to news that Jacob Rees-mogg MP has donated one tonne of communion wafers to a food bank in his constituency. While...

George Osborne seen in Waitrose buying fava beans and a nice Chianti

Following news reports of comments made by Old Screw Eyes, former chancellor of the Exchequer, serial job hoarder and moneybags George Osborne, it appears that he is for once actually following up a statement...

Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...

The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in April 2019. The banknote will be nicknamed ‘lost and found’ and...

Shit sandwiches start to taste better after you have swallowed the first bite, David...

Following the Government's success in the Great Repeal Act, Brexit Secretary David Davies has moved to assure Parliament that the lingering taste of this legislative shit sandwich will get better over time, the more...

London prime ministerial fatberg is too strong and stable to shift

Following the news that a massive lump of fat, plastic and waste material is blocking London's sewer works, the Rochdale Herald spoke to an operative working on removing it about the progress of their...

Government reassures that Brexit talk delays are all part of the plan

Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are doing with Brexit. Our Number 10 insider told us “Our...

London sewer found clogged with dreams of the young after government flushes future down...

Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system which leads all the way back to 10 Downing Street. It's...

Conservatives to shoot badgers until Henry VIII powers allow them to hunt with dogs...

Conservative MP George Eustice was allegedly out celebrating at a champagne breakfast this morning after deciding to kill a lot more badgers in order to feel better about himself. It's thought the extension of badger...

Michael Gove says Brexit is “like a box of chocolates…”

The Brexit negotiations have been tentative, at best, with British MPs doing their darndest not to get absolutely battered in the process. Unfortunately, Britain’s representatives are of the current Tory government, who are famously...

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