11 C
Rochdale, UK
Kuenssberg

Twitter scientists confirm discovery of human parrot hybrid that only speaks Tory

The BBC’s most insightful political journalist has been discovered to be a species of parrot and awarded a delightful new name today by natural historians. Avian studies experts from the Rochdale Museum of Modern Natural...

Boris Johnson shocked to discover British Empire no longer exists

Foreign Office officials have confirmed that Boris Johnson has finally accepted that the British Empire no longer exists, more than a year after he was first appointed Foreign Secretary. Speaking on condition of anonymity a...

EU to offer May reproduction of Munch’s The Scream to hang in 10 Downing...

The woman who believes she is British Prime Minister is to travel to Florence tomorrow to give a one date stand up performance in front of the leaders of the European Union and select...

Lib Dems form armed wing in desperate bid to remain relevant

The Liberal Democrats have announced the creation of an ‘armed wing’ in what commentators are interpreting as a last ditch attempt to have some impact on British politics. The announcement was made by three masked...

Met Office advise all future storms named Storm Boris until May gets the balls...

The Met Office has released a statement this lunch time advising that all storms to hit the United Kingdom this winter will be named Storm Boris until Theresa May gets the balls to sack...

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants’ school in Rochdale, he sat in on a few classes. When a maths lesson was announced, the children...

Time Team special feature digging for past evidence of honesty in British politics

Tony Robinson is expected to take to Twitter this evening to announce an upcoming ‘Time Team’ special feature in which he and the gang will dig up great swathes of the countryside searching for...

Theresa May unable to un-grit her teeth after assuring Boris that he can keep...

Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon. Whilst seen as a potential aid to her speech in Florence on Thursday based on...

Statistics confirm three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

Miley Cyrus to sue Boris Johnson for £350M over unauthorised cover of “Wrecking Ball”

The worlds of entertainment and politics appear to have combined this morning with the speculation that pop superstar Miley Cyrus is expected to sue professional mop head Boris Johnson over his unauthorised cover of...

Firefighters summoned to giant pants fire after Boris repeats inflammatory £350M NHS claim

Firefighters were summoned to a giant pants fire this morning after Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson repeated his £350M NHS Brexit claim. The emergency services responded rapidly with numerous units, including ladders and axes and lots...

Rees-mogg to donate communion wafers to food banks to alleviate hunger with uplifting religious...

Community pressure group VFAC (Vegan Food Advocates for Catholicism) have reacted with dismay today to news that Jacob Rees-mogg MP has donated one tonne of communion wafers to a food bank in his constituency. While...

George Osborne seen in Waitrose buying fava beans and a nice Chianti

Following news reports of comments made by Old Screw Eyes, former chancellor of the Exchequer, serial job hoarder and moneybags George Osborne, it appears that he is for once actually following up a statement...

Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...

The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in April 2019. The banknote will be nicknamed ‘lost and found’ and...

Shit sandwiches start to taste better after you have swallowed the first bite, David...

Following the Government's success in the Great Repeal Act, Brexit Secretary David Davies has moved to assure Parliament that the lingering taste of this legislative shit sandwich will get better over time, the more...

Follow_on_AppleNews_wht_badge_RGB_US-UK

Popular Posts