Umunna

Paul Nuttall Has Chuka Umunna Running Scared for South London Seat

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Paul Nuttall gave an interview with a surprise this morning on the Today programme on BBC4. Asked if he would satisfy the curiosity of literally...
Interrogation

Beatings will continue until morale improves says Tory Chief Whip

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Tory Chief Whip, Francis Gavin Urquhart Williamson, has advised the parliamentary Conservative party during a closed meeting that the beatings will continue until morale...

ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...
Average Joe

I have no idea what’s going on, says Will of the People

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The infamous Will of the People has finally been outed by Rochdale Herald researchers. His real name is Will Fallfrit, and he has opened...

Senior Brexiter demands white York roses repainted Tudor rose for sake of national unity

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A senior Brexiter has demanded that all of York’s white roses should be repainted as classic red and white Tudor roses for the sake...
Theresa May

Theresa May announces “peace in our time” following historic call with President Trump

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Theresa May has finally been able to speak to President-elect Donald Trump after 24 hours on hold listening to elevator music.

Labour Unveil New All White Party Flag

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Thanks to Labour another Article 50 bill amendment that would have risked empowering the British people, who are now known to be idiots, has...

Britons happy counting down the days till they lose freedom of movement

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Everyone in Britain awoke this morning overjoyed to know they are one more day closer to losing their freedom of movement across Europe and...
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

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The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being...
Obama and Biden

Obama and Biden spend last afternoon playing ‘hide the turd’ at White House

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Outgoing President and his VP Joe Biden have spent their last afternoon in office playing 'hide the turd' in The White House.

Prince Nuttall Awakens Britain’s Slumbering Populace With A Kiss

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Joyful celebrations were heard throughout the Kingdom after it was confirmed that Prince Nuttall of UKIP had awakened Princess Populace with a kiss. Handsome Prince...

Met Office advise all future storms named Storm Boris until May gets the balls...

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The Met Office has released a statement this lunch time advising that all storms to hit the United Kingdom this winter will be named...
Boxer hitting punchbag

Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club

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Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He...

Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep

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A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.

Jeremy Corbyn threatens to remove ISIS leaders from Christmas Card List

Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott have taken the bold step to thoroughly condemn the actions of ISIS supporters this week and are preparing to...

Government approves £118M fire safety upgrade, including sprinklers, for the Houses of Parliament

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Britain's greatest female Prime Minister, announced in a key note speech, that her Government has learned the lessons of Grenfell.  £118 million has been...

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