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Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear. The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...

UKIP policy committee accidentally executes itself

UKIP's national policy committee has accidentally hanged itself following the launch of its new policy demanding that under aged girls from "risk groups" be given mandatory genital checks for female genital mutilation. "One minute they...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...
football referees

Football referees warned not to go against the will of the people

Following criticism of High Court Judges 'interfering' in the Brexit process, the Football Association have decided to get rid of football referees. "We don't need overpaid so-called 'football rule experts' making decisions which the crowd...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.
Donald Trump

Trump enlists Gary Glitter to play inauguration

There are reports that Donald Trump is struggling to find top acts to perform or present at his inaugural event. The demagogue was able to confound the polls by attracting the popular vote of those...
Tim Farron

PG tips bribery scandal uncovered as Tim Farron makes ‘put the kettle on’ jibe

In the wake of the Leaders debate on the BBC, it has been alleged that lib dem leader Tim Farron was paid a substantial amount by PG Tips to make his closing remark. Farron took the opportunity...
Tim Farron

Farron u-turns and joins coalition after McDonnell says he’ll let him sip his beer

"A coalition? No absolutely not we will not do it" said Tim Farron, earlier today at the Westminster bar. However, moments later the Liberal Democrat leader was was asked to produce his ID to purchase...

Poll reveals public wants good old fashioned political sex scandal

A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore.  Carried out at the Rochdale Exchange we asked shoppers if they were concerned with...
Boris

Boris Johnson to base Brexit negotiations on Pogs

Boris Johnson has revealed that the UK's Brexit negotiations will be based on Pogs. The Foreign Secretary and Bertie Wooster of the Conservative Party told Robert Peston that he's been planning the strategy since Parliament was dissolved. Speaking...

Every Brit to get UKIP voting Mother In Law before Brexit

In a move designed to strengthen the government's hand before Brexit negotiations begin in earnest, every British family is to be assigned a UKIP voting mother in law. All mother in laws will be tested...

Australia to import convicts and export coal – Says Turnbull 

Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, has left the G20 Summit with what he called a “stupendous new deal”. After much grovelling to British Prime Minister, Theresa May, Mr Turnbull stated,  “When Britain leaves the EU...

Labour Unveil New All White Party Flag

Thanks to Labour another Article 50 bill amendment that would have risked empowering the British people, who are now known to be idiots, has been defeated in the Lords. The amendment would have required another...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn’t have the balls to turn...

Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free

Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will be invested in ending it. The PM, who demanded that police...

Simon Danczuk delighted to not be the sleaziest MP in a photo

Disgraced pornography enthusiast, first class passenger, casual sext pest and Rochdale MP Simon 'Spanker' Danczuk is said to be "absolutely buzzing" that he's not the sleaziest MP this week after Keith Vaz, the former...

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