New UKIP leader elected yesterday already 3rd longest serving leader behind both Nigel Farages

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Mr Henry Bolt-on was celebrating tonight after having managed the milestone event of third longest serving UKIP leader, even though he was only elected...

London sewer found clogged with dreams of the young after government flushes future down...

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Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

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Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...
Jeremy Corbyn

Commie Corbyn pledges to nationalise your teeth

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Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything. Clueless commie...

Owen Smith thrilled with shiny new campaign bus

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Owen Smith is said to be delighted with his shiny new campaign bus. "It's brilliant!" he sang. "It shits all over Corbyn's campaign bike" Smith drew...

Paul Nuttall Claims June 8th Ballot May be Rigged

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Paul Nuttall, temporary leader of UKIP, faced calls to stand down this morning from the establishment after commenting on the upcoming general election. Speaking to...

George Osborne seen in Waitrose buying fava beans and a nice Chianti

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Following news reports of comments made by Old Screw Eyes, former chancellor of the Exchequer, serial job hoarder and moneybags George Osborne, it appears...

Labour MPs win right for toilet break during final vote on Brexit deal

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After a tense round of debating in the house of commons Labour MPs succeeded in forcing through an amendment to the Brexit bill which...

Giant Fish Finger and Lord Buckethead asked by Queen to prepare to govern

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The Giant Fish Finger and Lord Buckethead have been asked by the Queen to prepare to govern Britain. A spokesman for the Palace explained it...

Dirty Politics

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Britain's next Prime Minister is guaranteed to be female but what most people don't know yet is that only one of the contenders will...

David White follows The Rochdale Herald on Twitter

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The editorial team were said to be jubilant at the news this evening that former England, Leeds and Manchester City centre forward David White...
Ladder

Trump’s view on border wall evolves after learning the word ‘ladder’

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Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.
Union flag with "Brexit" ove it

“Go Back to where you came from!” -Say 1970’s

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In a shock statement today the 1970's have told 2016 to go back to its own timeline where it belongs.  In July a third of...
Theresa May Converse

Top Tories Converse to win yoof vote

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Prime Minister Theresa May today ditched her kitten heels and turned out to the Commons wearing a pair of Chuck Taylor black and white...

Gap between rich and poor not an issue say rich bastards

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The massive gap between the poorest peoples' lot and the vomit-inducing wealth of the world's richest isn't really important, insist representatives for the world's...

Only 23 days to save historic Christmas Deal, warn turkeys

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Turkeys have declared that today there are only 23 days to save their historic Christmas deal. They have warned that is vitally important that the...

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