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Rochdale, UK

Remoaners trounce nimbys in self-interest cock off

Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload of money for a by-election. “I am resigning as a Conservative...
Danczuk

Simon Danczuk wins Prestigious most Tory Tweet Award 2017 Le Chatte d’Or

Simon Danczuk has won the 2017 most Tory Tweet Award after taking to Twitter to complain about homeless beggars in Rochdale today.

Corbyn removes Labour MP’s Tuck Shop privileges

Corbyn has been slammed by critics in the Parliamentary Labour Party and the Labour NEC after he unexpectedly closed the Labour Party tuck shop in Westminster. Some parliamentarians are calling it a cynical move to...

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Simon Danczuk

It's been a fairly typical week for Rochdale's "MP" after he found himself at the centre of another embarrassing shit storm. In another in a series of decisions Simon has lived to regret, which have...

ISIS Second In Command Killed Again

The Daily Express has reported for the eighth time this month the death of so called Islamic State's second in command. "He was killed by drone" said the article. "Probably." The news comes after the leader...
Refugee

New age verification tests to be brought in for asylum seekers

Following public outcry that someone who has had their home blown to smithereens might be so desperate as to embellish the truth in order to seek sanctuary.

60 million Americans explore cryogenic freezing to escape Trump

With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in office. “I think it's the only way I’m going to get...

Sex worker and fruit picker tops post-Brexit career options

According to a press release from the Federated Institution of Associated School Careers Officers, the Brexit Plan simplifies future British employment opportunities to sex work and fruit picking. A spokesman explained the advantages for parents. "If...

Beleavers still think they’re in with a chance of another Referendum

Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU. "I don't care if it was 8% or 80%!" fumed Mr. Farage. "We...

French PM Tells Boris “Freedom of Movement or Nothing” then Shuts Calais

British holidaymakers and Brexit voters on their way to France had the opportunity to learn what the term "French border control" actually means over the last couple of days. The French, who are famous for...
hand written notes

Trump apologises for misreading email.

President Donald J. Trump has apologised for misreading an email which has led to some bizarre policy announcements in the last few days. The President was sent an email asking him for ‘draft proposals’ which he...

Child refugees can stay till after they’ve seen NHS Dentist

Teenage child refugees completing their journey to the UK were breathed a huge sigh of relief after being told they could remain in the UK until they could secure an appointment with an NHS Dentist.

Not enough evidence to convict Danczuk of rape says CPS

The Crown Prosecution Service has declined to prosecute Simon "Shagger" Danczuk on the basis that they are not confident they will secure a conviction.

New Tory Crabbs Clinic opens in Rochdale

Great news for Rochdale's Yorkshire Street just keeps rolling in. As well as being a wonderful area for shopping, entertainment and food, it's also becoming something of a local equivalent of London's Harley Street...
Executioner with axe

U.S. prepares for Steve Bannon’s execution

Following an interview in which Steve Bannon compared himself to Tudor-era royal adviser Thomas Cromwell, America is making hasty preparations for the execution of Donald Trump’s freshly appointed chief strategist.  Trump's office has been inundated with...

Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’

Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far not been forthcoming. Thousands of people confused by what Brexit means...

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