Only alternative to catastrophic Tory Brexit is catastrophic Labour Brexit says Corbyn

47
Jeremy Corbyn has sought to reassure Labour Party members fearful of a catastrophic Tory Brexit that a Labour Brexit will be just as hard...

Chequers agreement shreds itself

0
Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out...
Jeremy Corbyn

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

0
Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and...

Electoral Commission added to watchlist of subversive organisations

0
The Government announced today that, after a long and thorough review of the workings of the Electoral Commission, they have added it to the...

Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep

0
A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.
Theresa May

Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...

11
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research. Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...

Socialism just a phase says privately educated Cambridge graduate Blairite quitting Labour for V&A

6
Tristram Hunt had "returned to the fold" and told his friends and family that "his life a socialist was just a phase".

I said ‘sack my cook & hold my calls’ says MP accused of sexual...

1
Embattled Tory MP Mark Garnier claims he was simply misunderstood by his Secretary over recent sex abuse allegations that have rocked Westminster. Barnier, a...

Boris Upsets Sturgeon Over Calls for New Indyref

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Boris Johnson today ran into further hot water, or perhaps hot oil, over comments responding to Nicola Sturgeon's view that only an Independent Scotland...

Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch

0
An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

0
The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.
Putin Trump

Trump and Putin secret G20 meeting beyond ‘Netflix and Chill’

0
Reports ejaculating out of Hamburg indicate that the secret meeting between President Trump and Vladimir Putin transcended sharing a duvet and gorging on Hagen-Daaz. The...
Denis Skinner

Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security

0
The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security. "We are sorry...
Theresa May

May convinced she needs one more f*cking slogan to convince country to back austerity

13
The Prime Minister is said to be personally convinced another f*cking slogan will convince the entire country to back austerity. Catchphrases repeated to the point...
Teenager

Teenager born in 2000 looks forward to enjoying retiring in 2120

0
Today the government announced that plans to change to the state pension retirement age to 68 will take effect in 2037, 7 years earlier...

Doing Right Thing Would Set Dangerous Precedent, Says Prime Minister

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Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she won't intervene in David Cameron's scheme to reward all his mates with Honours. "Listen here," said an...

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