After spending several weeks in his room, claiming to be “revising” legislation, the PM has finally been told to put his Johnson down. “Stop proroguing this instant, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson,” Lady Hale shouted upstairs, “you are not working on your deal, and you know you are not.”
The sheepish Prime Minister has been summoned downstairs to explain himself in the kitchen. Mother Parliament has been complaining for some months about the amount of hardened socks hidden under the Government’s bed, and it has finally come time to address the matter.
“The clue is in the word Supreme,” sighed Lady Hale, “and you will respect our authority.” “Like the seed cast on barren ground, your constant proroguing into your sock is void and of no effect. Mother Parliament should not have to launder your prorogation and frankly, I support whatever she decides to do next.”
The decision was unanimous, with all 11 Justices supporting Lady Hale’s assessment that they were “not angry, just disappointed” by the Prime Minister’s refusal to either do his homework or ask his teachers for an extension. The few remaining grown ups in the UK have accordingly sent the children back to the drawing board.
“It’s not fair, and I don’t accept it,” huffed Johnson, “and I don’t see why next door think the money I wasted on stupid Brexit posters would have been better spent saving Thomas Cook. I’m going to my room.”
We understand that Speaker Bercow is the process of disconnecting the House wifi, in a bid to get the Prime Minister to focus on the business in hand rather than what he has in his hand.