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Rochdale, UK

UK “unsafe” says Trump as British Armed Police “Worst in the World”

Donald Trump has declared Britain "unsafe for US Citizens" as the UK Armed Police have been named the worst in the World on the influential Slager Scale. Named after Michael Slager - the fat,...

I don’t need no intelligence, I got this far without none says Trump

Donald Trump confounded satirists again this week after sensationally declaring that he doesn't need intelligence as he has managed to get this far without it.

Black Cops to shoot unarmed white civilians in controversial Charlotte anti-racism plan

Charlotte Police Department have unveiled a controversial yet utterly foolproof plan to combat claims that their police force is institutionally racist. They're going to let black police officers execute white motorists for minor driving offences. Charlotte...
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible old men for money. "Melania has definitely never had sex with...

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

Plans for an official book burning at a Trump campaign rally in Bumshart Arkansas had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in the state own no books. The book bonfire was to...

Bad guys with guns get more practice complain good guys with guns

Good guys with guns in America went on the record this morning to complain they're unfairly getting a bad reputation after failing to prevent the 2078th successive mass shooting since 2,000.

Rothschilds ‘surprised’ at Trump victory but pleased in investment in US wall building company

The Rothschild family are set for a huge windfall following Donald Trump's 'surprise' success in the US election.

Over-exaggerating totally different to lying your arse off

Swimmer and US gold medal winning bullshitter, Ryan Lochte, has sort of apologised for making things up. The lying git said that his description of being a drunken arsehole, pissing in public, smashing doors...

Scandal as Trump attempts to circumvent physical laws

In his bid to become master of the universe, Donald Trump has postulated a new set of axioms about the physical universe as we know it. During his combined groundbreaking physics lecture and presidential...

National holiday declared as USA goes 6 days without mass shooting

This is the closest to a full week that the US has gone without a mass shooting since 'The Great Week of Peace' in 1896. Although there have been 14,678 individual shootings and 32,789 multiple...
Trump

Trump turns down White House sexual harassment course because ‘I’m already pretty good at...

News broke this morning that Donald Trump has turned down an offer from the White House human resources department to attend a special course on sexual harassment citing that he is already pretty damn...

Twitter activists shocked that hashtags haven’t eliminated police violence

More than two years after the fatal shooting of teenager Michael Brown, which led to widespread protests against police brutality across the U.S., many Twitter activists are shocked to discover that their hashtag campaigns...

US Closes Wardrobe Border Travel Bans on Narnians and Radical Followers of Aslan

President Donald Trump last night signed an Executive Order immediately banning "followers of Aslan" from entering the US.  This will instantly affect talking beavers, centaurs and ice queens, though Kellyanne Conway has secured an exemption. The...

Bands line up to celebrate Trump’s impeachment

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal the star studded line up already in place for celebrating the impeachment of Donald Trump, expected to take place before the end of 2017. The Dead Kennedys (most famous...

Dead Kennedys to perform at Trump inauguration

Hard core punk rockers, Dead Kennedys, have agreed to perform at Donald Trump's inauguration after Susan Boyle was forced to cancel. SuBo was due to perform the Dead Kennedys classic 1981 punk anthem 'Too Drunk...

Trump says – I’m sorry (I got caught)

Following the release of vile video footage from 2005, Donald Trump has issued a heartfelt bullshit apology. In the video, ridiculous Presidential hopeful Trump can be heard saying some pretty shitty things about women, and...

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