Washington D.C. – The American military revealed one of its most closely guarded secrets this week.

The claim by North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, that he has a big red button on his desk to control his Nuclear “arsenal” was countered by top brass in the US military who released a statement today saying:

“A big red button on his desk to launch his nuclear missiles? That’s nothing we have a massive simple orange knob behind the desk in the White House to control ours.”

The details of how the US controls its vast Nuclear arsenal has long been the subject of speculation with most previously believing that it was controlled with the “Nuclear Football” a complex three party authentication system using codes and stuff.

“Nope. It’s just a gigantic tangerine knob behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. You can’t miss it. It’s a really gaudy, bright orange simple tool.”

“It’s an unbelievably easy to wind up weapon.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.