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Trump Train derailed by Reddit

Would-be U.S.President and serial bigot, Donald Trump awoke this morning to find his dreams of becoming the most powerful man on the planet in tatters. His application to become a moderator on the popular social...

I don’t make mistakes says man who accidentally got himself elected President

A giant orange man child who accidentally got himself elected President of the United States during a publicity stunt for his gaudy golf course business announced live on television that he doesn't make mistakes, immediately before making a mistake.
Nuclear explosion

“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons. 

Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about to be given to President Fuckface Von Clownstick, many weapons...

Anonymous declare war on ISIS for 4657th time.

The group Anonymous have today declared war on ISIS for the 4657th time. A spokesman for the group said, "ISIS should prepare for a fate worse than death. We will strike your social media accounts. The...
Police

US Police Report Record Start to Season After “Glorious Twelfth”

US Police are have reported a record start to the Season after the traditional start to the Civilian Shooting Season with Tulsa leading the way. The Glorious Twelfth is a term used usually to refer...

eBay To Close Sundays 

The world's biggest online auction site has today announced plans to close every Sunday to give all their low paid workers a much needed day off. Currently trading 365 days a year, 7 days...

World shits itself after Putin spotted smiling

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way to Dublin in 1928, will be remembered by millions of...
Putin

Trump presidency result of Putin prank phone call

Russian President and superstar house elf, Vladimir Putin, has revealed that the whole Trump/Russia thing is a prank that went too far. “Trump come to us and say I spy for you and you win...
A delighted Sun Reader

Sun says Trump not nonce as he checks girls teeth before ‘dating’ 

Sun Readers thrilled Donald Trump acquitted of raping 13 year old after convincing judge she "had teeth of 21 year old."

Trump All Mexicans To Do Pinata National Service

US President Donald Trump has signed an Executive Order forcing all US Mexican citizens to be Piñata at white children's Birthday Parties. The "Piñata National Service" will entail Mexicans attending parties every third weekend dressed...
World surprised to learn that Thailand is torturing pretty much everybody

World shocked Thailand torturing political prisoners

The world was rocked to the core today after an Amnesty International report revealed that Thailand's military junta, otherwise known as "the government", tortures pretty much everybody. "Really? First I've heard of it." Said Faisal...

Alcoholics Anonymous of America add 13th Step – Don’t Fucking Bother

After 63 years of success Alcoholics Anonymous of America have added a 13th Step to their eponymous programme - Step 13: Don't Fucking Bother. The new step has been introduced today. Founder of AAA Bill...
Dumpster Fire

Dumpster fires unhappy about comparisons to US Democracy

Skip fires around the world have declared they are unhappy with being compared to the US democratic process.

Trump barred from White House toilets

President Donald Trump has been the first victim of his cancellation of orders compelling universities and other institutions to respect personal identity. Although rescinding the orders was expected to only affect libtard and snowflake university students, and make...
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible old men for money. "Melania has definitely never had sex with...

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