Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday
Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
Texas commemorates first mass shooting by giving students guns to take to school
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the world's inaugural mass shooting event at the University of Austin in Texas law makers have passed a...
Rescue divers call off search for viable Customs Union Plan
Rescue divers searching for a viable plan for a customs union palatable to lunatic backbench MPs have finally called off the search.
Having plumbed the...
Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks
A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many...
Syrians praying for UK dog owners tonight
People across Syria are united in prayer tonight as Britain is bombarded with heavy rounds of fireworks, the worst we've seen in weeks.
"It's horrendous"...
52% Of Trump Supporters Can’t Find America On A Map
When it was pointed out to them exactly where America lay on the map, many of them seemed disappointed that it wasn’t the whole of North America from Mexico upwards.
Terrorists ‘disappointed’ to be rewarded with 72 vegans in heaven
Typographical error blamed for afterlife reward mix-up
The five jihadists involved in last Saturday's Spanish terror attack have expressed 'disappointment' upon receiving the heavenly reward...
Despot of country full of gullible starving peasants about to declare war on North...
The bilge tanks of mainstream media are overflowing today with irrepressible joy and mental sewerage at the prospect of wannabe despot Donald Trump declaring...
Alphabet distances itself from Trump
Following the 45th POTUS' increasingly alarming and inaccurate claims, statements and threats, it seems that one particular organisation has had enough.
The Alphabet released a...
Hurricane Harvey considered least destructive 2020 presidential candidate
In an attempt to win back votes from the orange-painted tweeting shitangutan, the Democrats have turned to Hurricane Harvey to stand as their candidate...
UN tells Goodwill Ambassador to fuck off
After a record low of zero days in the job, the new UN Ambassador, whose job it would've been to generally spread love and...
Women remain underrepresented amongst Taliban leadership
It has been revealed that women remain underrepresented amongst the leadership of the Afghan terrorist group the Taliban.
An internal review carried out by...
First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in California
It's all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today's mass shooting.
"Yeah, we're...
Campaign to move Calais Jungle migrant Camp to Southend dubbed inhumane
Plans to move the makeshift refugee camp in Calais to Southend were quashed today after a cross party committee called the plans inhumane.
Refugees from...
Roy Moore ordered to pay if he wants another go after coming in a...
The Alabama Secretary of State has told Judge Roy Moore that he will have to finance any recount of the Senate seat vote.
John Merrill...
Macron roasts Le Swan
Emmanuel Macron last night served up a beautifully roasted swan at his victory dinner. The new French President was celebrating his victory with close...
