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Cosby

Bill Cosby Offers Trump PR Advice Over Sexual Assault Allegations

Dateline this morning, and in the face of a slew of fresh sexual assault allegations, beleaguered Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump has found himself a new ally in the form of long-term friend Bill...

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to fuck off in person

Following historic meetings with world leaders such as Carwyn Jones and Nicola Sturgeon during her first week as British Prime Minister Theresa is set to visit Angela Merkel in Germany today. Ostensibly the meeting in...

World shits itself after Putin spotted smiling

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Top Vatican paedophiles and the Pope claim Transgender people are ‘crime against God’

Frock wearing top Catholic wizard Pope Francis has decided that transgender people are a crime against God. “They teach children -children!- that they can choose gender!” he exclaimed to cries of “And?” “Thank God for that,”...

New evidence proves Jesus was English

Jesus is English? No, not really. That was a test. If you're reading this, you've passed. Well done. If not, this article is about you. If you're reading it for the second time, well...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged in his favourite pastime of debating politics on social media...

Party that chose most hated candidate in history wondering how it lost

The Democratic Party is today asking “How could this happen?” after they fielded the most hated politician in American history to be their candidate. “We honestly thought that Hillary- who’s George Herbert Bush but with...

Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII

Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company beat off stiff competition from other brands keen to associate...
Trump Supporters

Trump recorded saying “Trump Supporters are fat, racist white trash”

‘Rumours that Donald Trump described his legions of supporters as "obese trailer park trash" and "uneducated fucking idiots" are yet to be confirmed.

Scandal as Trump attempts to circumvent physical laws

In his bid to become master of the universe, Donald Trump has postulated a new set of axioms about the physical universe as we know it. During his combined groundbreaking physics lecture and presidential...

South African Scientist Discovers Free Non-Polluting Energy Source

Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and punch him in the face. Sounds familiar? Professor Miriam M’beki of...

Mike Pence unhappy ‘in transition’

Vice-President elect Mike Pence is expected to ask Donald Trump to move him to another area after becoming unhappy as part of the incoming Republican’s transition team. Evidence against Intelligent Design Mike Pence only moved in to...
Protestors

Democratic Democrats protest against anti-democratic democracy

Protesters smashed windows and turned violent in Oregon and a few other places last night. “Trump is anti-democratic!” yelled the crowd protesting against the man who recently won an election, “And his hair is shit!” Jesse...

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way to Dublin in 1928, will be remembered by millions of...
Trump

Emperor Trump appoints frog-faced racist as UK ambassador to US

In a bold show of complete disregard for the sovereignty of British Parliament, his highness emperor Trump has appointed a well-known and unelected frog-faced racist called Nigel as UK ambassador to the US. Brexiteers are...

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