Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Britain to stop messing about and put the clocks back twenty years this October

Tony Blair woke this morning to find himself in the enviable position of a second chance at his legacy with the announcement the clocks...

BBC in new accusations of bias

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Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...

Scientists confirm tea tastes better when somebody else makes it

Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it. Maurice Tips,...
Man in tinfoil hat

Trump: tinfoil a good defence against mind control rays

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President-elect Donald J Trump has announced a groundbreaking and cutting edge technology to combat the growing menace of conspiracies facing the US. He is well...

Stephen Hawking hasn’t got a leg to stand on, says Jeremy Hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy C. Hunt has responded to Hawking's criticism of NHS reforms in a series of tweets, which are pompous even by Hunt's...

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Hearse

The Rochdale Herald has learned that ITV plans to make drastic changes to the format of next year's 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of...

Trump Outraged To Learn of Invention of Phonograph

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Taking to Twitter, So Called President Trump rounded on critics of his administration within the media, and their underhand strategy of recording stuff. "Edison fake American....

iPhone users left feeling cheated

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...

Rochdale Man wins Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the Sun is HOT!!!

Joe Griffiths, from Rochdale, has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the sun is HOT. It turns out that Isaac Newton wasn't...

Heinz announces new alphabetti spaghetti for the blind

Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning. A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald: "It's all about equal...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
Deep Space

Theresa May’s credibility leaves solar system

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Theresa May's credibility has become the third human-made object to travel into interstellar space less than two years after her mission began. It passed through...
Theresa May

Anagramologists discover Conservatives is an anagram of voters cave in

Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories. "Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards," explained...

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