Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Drug paraphernalia

Rochdale man who can’t explain what his job is tells people he’s a drug...

A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just...

BBC in new accusations of bias

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Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...
Laptop

Government to tackle loneliness in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots

The government has announced plans to tackle social isolation in the elderly by converting them into WiFi hotspots. The Department of Digital, Culture, Media &...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

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In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not,...

Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

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Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...

Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of...

Plans for Trident found wrapped around a portion of chips

Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood. It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and...

Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears

The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...
iPhone

Rochdale iPhone owner awarded medal after not reminding everybody he has an iPhone for...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...

Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe

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It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.  Concerns were raised by non-physicists...
Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.
Professor

What’s so f*cking great about sliced bread ask furious genius inventors

The wheel, the lightbulb, combustion engine, space travel, and the internet all pale in comparison to pre-sliced bread according to public opinion. "I created the...

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