Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

60 million Americans explore cryogenic freezing to escape Trump

0
With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.  The physics department of...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

0
Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

Plans for Trident found wrapped around a portion of chips

Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood. It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and...

Irish Garda stalk Stephen Hawking in Richard Dawkins blasphemy mix up

After the recent news that Stephen Fry is to be stoned to death by Irish authorities for calling God 'a bit of dick', the Irish...
Scientists

Scientists announce new Corbyn scale that measures inactivity

0
Scientists have devised a new unit to measure inactivity that they're calling the Corbyn. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "We've been trying...
Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...
Women research team at Rochdale's Community University

Women ‘Not Silly’ groundbreaking study reveals

Women may not be as silly as we first thought, a new study suggests. Researchers at the Rochdale's Community University observed one hundred female humans...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...
iPhone

Rochdale iPhone owner awarded medal after not reminding everybody he has an iPhone for...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase...
Scientists

Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...

iPhone users left feeling cheated

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...
Fruit Salad

Fruit salad cancer risk

Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts