Heinz announces new alphabetti spaghetti for the blind
Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning.
A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald:
"It's all about equal...
Dolphins disappear across the globe as Trump Inauguration looms
Oceans across the globe are feeling decidedly odd today after the entire planet's population of porpoises and dolphins completely and utterly disappeared overnight.
"I really...
Scientists confirm tea tastes better when somebody else makes it
Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it.
Maurice Tips,...
5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts
Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country.
In an exclusive...
NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus
A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...
Irish Garda stalk Stephen Hawking in Richard Dawkins blasphemy mix up
After the recent news that Stephen Fry is to be stoned to death by Irish authorities for calling God 'a bit of dick', the Irish...
‘Men only wear sunglasses to check out other women, like at weddings’ say Scientists
Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives...
Heat from self-righteous can power the world
Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today.
“We discovered that the heat radiated...
‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...
Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox
Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...
Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...
Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...
Streisand Needs To Pronounce Her Name Properly, Says Siri
Barbara Streizzand has used her fame as a has been screecher and ex-movie star to get Apple to alter the way Siri pronounces...
BBC in new accusations of bias
Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the...
Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally
With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...
Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...
Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers
In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...
