Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...

Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...
Michael Gove

Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".

Elderly people left speechless after discovering smart phone can make tea

19 year old student, Gary Downes, showed his Grandad Terance his new Samsung Galaxy S7 last week. "I was showing him all the latest cool...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets - say NASA

If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA

0
American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

0
Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after...
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

7
?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in...

1 billion Yahoo users ‘not arsed’ about forgotten Yahoo accounts being hacked

0
Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a...

Yahoo’s Head of IT Security asks Have you tried turning it off then on...

0
The Global Head of IT Security for Yahoo has moved swiftly to support customers and dispel rumours of incompetence. VP of IT Security Brian Hodgkins,...

Rochdale in mourning as Willy Wonka actor Brian Cox dies in his sleep

The much loved character was played by the very youthful looking 83 year old Scientist, Actor and Professor Brian Cox who sadly passed away...
Rochdale

Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by...
Bitch face

Resting Bitch Face to be renamed Resting Just Sick of Your Shit Face

0
It seems that testing conditions, designed to mimic working in an average open plan office space, may have coloured the subjects' results. "It wasn't that their neutral faces were 'bitchy', just that even within a short time of meeting us, they were already just sick of our shit."

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
Scientists

Moaning about stuff easier than dealing with stuff, scientists reveal

Scientist have discovered that moaning about your problems to people is much easier than dealing them. Professor Abra Cadabra of the Universality of Rochdale concluded...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts