Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

‘iPhone 7 best ever’ declare vacuous self obsessed brand whores

0
We caught up with some douchebag in skinny jeans outside the Apple Store in the Arndale this afternoon: "I've been queuing since Saturday!" Travelling UPVC...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...

Only 17 more sleeps until numpties stop saying how many sleeps until Christmas

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the...

Physicist angry that with infinite universes, he got one with Trump in it

A failed physicist and lapsed university lecturer has lamented online about his inner anxieties.

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...

Outcry as Moon to get 4G before Burnley

0
There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from...

Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said,...
angry man

Study finds link between hair loss and racism. 

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have uncovered the first clear links between racism and hair loss among men.  In an in depth study lasting nearly...

A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey

The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to...

New Britain First leader Wayne Cummings apparently not a made up name

Wayne Cummings has beaten off stiff competition from brothers Wayne Kerr and Yiwen Kerr to slide into interim role as Bellend-in-Chief of the UK's...
Professor

What’s so f*cking great about sliced bread ask furious genius inventors

The wheel, the lightbulb, combustion engine, space travel, and the internet all pale in comparison to pre-sliced bread according to public opinion. "I created the...
Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...

Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Scientist

People with personalised number plates are knobs, according to latest research

Antisocial anthropologist Dr Alec Smartt revealed this astounding fact in his dissertation entitled "Discerning the class differentials in a post-modern classless society". Dr Smartt's...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts