Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...
Scientists

Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...
Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...
Remote pointing at TV

GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK

WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on...

Linkin Park’s poignant question answered

The question posed by Linkin Park all those years ago has been answered and people might not like the answer. According to scientists, who have been...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland...

Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday

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Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...

Government that can’t afford to electrify TransPennine Express announces plans for a space program

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The Government has announced a vague and ill thought out plan to start a space program instead of electrifying the TransPennine Express railway line. A...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...

Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove

Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

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Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile...

Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said,...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...

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