Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Samsung to rebrand Galaxy as the Supernova

Samsung made a shock announcement at the weekends major technology event, TERD (Technology, Electronics RochDale), which was held at the former site of The...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...

Scientists confirm tea tastes better when somebody else makes it

Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it. Maurice Tips,...
Scientists

Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...

Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday

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Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...

Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers

The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers....

All toddlers are Tories scientists confirm

Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories. "They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr....

Euro TV Satellite expected to fall on Rochdale: “Nothing to fear” say boffins

28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...

NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus

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A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not,...

Apple announce the launch of the new iPhone Glitch-delivering all of the ‘Out of...

3
Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch. The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland...
extraterrestrials

Message from aliens intercepted. 

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Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials. The message was received encoded in modulations...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

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In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from...

Earth is Flat Confirms Cretin After Watching YouTube Video

Our foreign correspondent Miffy Bigboots reports from South London. A man at a loose end over the weekend changed his opinion on virtually everything after...

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