Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
Rochdale man who can’t explain what his job is tells people he’s a drug...
A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just...
Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism
Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...
‘iPhone 7 best ever’ declare vacuous self obsessed brand whores
We caught up with some douchebag in skinny jeans outside the Apple Store in the Arndale this afternoon:
"I've been queuing since Saturday!" Travelling UPVC...
Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout
Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.
‘Men only wear sunglasses to check out other women, like at weddings’ say Scientists
Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives...
Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco
Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like;
"The Prosecco is open! You know what that...
Anagramologists discover Conservatives is an anagram of voters cave in
Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories.
"Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards," explained...
Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox
Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.
"Farage has spent months...
Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go
Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...
Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...
NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus
A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...
2016 still killing celebrities
Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...
Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe
It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.
Concerns were raised by non-physicists...
Apple announce the launch of the new iPhone Glitch-delivering all of the ‘Out of...
Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch.
The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers...
Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox
Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...
