The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn’t have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland shouldn’t have allowed Apple to pay less in tax than the workers in their sweatshops.
“Tis totally unfair! We don’t want billions of euros -enough to fund our health service for over a year- added to our feckin’ treasury, so we don’t so we do! Not from Apple, who we totally didn’t have a special tax-dodging deal with!” said a government spokesbloke, “The people of Eire don’t want money that we could invest in housing! Bloody interfering EU, making us fill our coffers with money we’re technically owed!”
“Ah, to be sure,” agreed Finna Fail spokesfella, Brendan O’Finlay,” Tis only the poor folks who need to be paying tax. Have you seen me new Airbook?”
Meanwhile Apple’s Timmy Cook said “It’s completely unjust! We didn’t break the law, we just assumed that Eire had a really, really low tax rate! If you make us pay, we’re going to move in with Asia! So there. Unless they tax us… Well, somewhere corrupt in Africa then!”
A spokesgeek for Microsoft said “Ha! Wankers! You got caught? Ha ha ha! Losers!”