The Project May-Bot team have announced that due to recent poor performance and unexpected features being noted, they are looking into resetting the May-Bot in the time-honoured fashion of turning it off and back on again.

Concerns were first raised last year when, instead of running in Election Mode as it was supposed to do, the May-Bot seemed to get stuck in a ‘Strong and Stable’ loop where its stock answer to any question on any subject were meaningless terms such as ‘Strong and Stable’ and ‘Coalition of Chaos’.

More recently, there has been a worrying escalation in reported incidents with indications that the May-Bot’s ‘Bloody Difficult Woman’ and ‘Document Management’ systems may have development bugs after it was revealed that it has failed to properly admonish the Cabinet puppy, Boris, for pooping in the Brexit bowl and was unable to work out how to appropriately exit the building when handed a P45.

Things came to a head yesterday when the May-Bot took to the stage and suffered problems with its speech functions. Amidst the splutterings, the May-Bot was only able to regurgitate old promises previously made by opposition parties in an apparent desperate bid to remain in place as Leader.

Head Developer, Daniel Marks revealed to an assembled press “Yesterday was a dark day for the team. It’s obvious the Threat Management Software has failed as the May-Bot seems to now be taking the ineffective Momentum/JC malware seriously whilst ignoring the very real and present threat of Disgruntled Tories. However, the whole conference experiment was a real eye-opener in the world of unintended consequences as it seems that the May-Bot’s performance issues invoked sympathy and empathy sub-routines in many of the gathered Tories.

This is serious stuff, even Daily Mail readers would freely admit that Tories just aren’t designed to run that sort of programming. So, to avoid having to reboot the entire Tory party, we’ve decided as a team to take the drastic step of turning the May-Bot off and turning it back on again to see if resets it back to default. We’ll let you all know how it goes, but in the meanwhile, if you have any further issues, just call the Help-Desk”.

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