Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

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Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...

Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove

Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...

Apple announce the launch of the new iPhone Glitch-delivering all of the ‘Out of...

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Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch. The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers...
Turn it off and on

Team behind the May-Bot to try turning it off and back on again

The Project May-Bot team have announced that due to recent poor performance and unexpected features being noted, they are looking into resetting the May-Bot...
Scientist

Scientists prove warm prosecco only explanation for Love Island

A scientific study has been released that shows that Love Island can only be explained by warm prosecco. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college told...

No need for Artificial Intelligence, say robots

Robots at Rochdale Community University maintain that advancements in Artificial Intelligence (AI) are not necessary. I was invited to meet Robbie, a MK VII Hawking series robot, at the University's science lab last week.

Farage either ‘Innumerate’ or ‘Hypocritical Dickwad’ says Brian Cox

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...

New Britain First leader Wayne Cummings apparently not a made up name

Wayne Cummings has beaten off stiff competition from brothers Wayne Kerr and Yiwen Kerr to slide into interim role as Bellend-in-Chief of the UK's...

2016 still killing celebrities

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...

Stephen Hawking’s next book titled A Brief History of C*nts

Stephen Hawking is well regarded as the largest living brain in Britain and someone whose opinions are worth serious consideration, while Mr Hunt as something rather different.

Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’

There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today. Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...

Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said,...
Scientists

Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...

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