Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists
A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.
The physics department of...
Woman killed by drinking mineral water 15 minutes older than best before date
A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date.
Police told the Herald that...
Dolphins disappear across the globe as Trump Inauguration looms
Oceans across the globe are feeling decidedly odd today after the entire planet's population of porpoises and dolphins completely and utterly disappeared overnight.
"I really...
Before the ‘Iron Age’ everything was just creased, confirm anthropologists
A team of anthropologists and archaeologists from Rochdale Community College announced their exciting revelation about our ancestors on Thursday. They have confirmed that, before...
Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat
A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat.
Carl Isles, cycles the...
Scientists announce new Corbyn scale that measures inactivity
Scientists have devised a new unit to measure inactivity that they're calling the Corbyn.
Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "We've been trying...
Being a tosser won’t stop you getting rich, scientist claims
Anders Farkenobbviarrs, head of research at the Norway Institute of Selfish Prick-like Behavior in Trondheim said “Loads of rich, successful people are total fuckers,...
Trump Election Due To Cosmic Emissions Says Brian Cox
Professor Brian Cox has explained the recent election of Donald Trump by pointing to a rare stellar phenomenon. The Oldham-but-not-Rochdale born scientist explained:-
"On the 9th...
Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
Plans for Trident found wrapped around a portion of chips
Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood.
It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and...
Fruit salad cancer risk
Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and...
If we can pay for food we can pay for rockets – say NASA
American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some...
Calm down love! Let me mansplain your research for you
Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS').
The Herald's...
Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...
Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...
iPhone users left feeling cheated
Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...
South African Scientist Discovers Free Non-Polluting Energy Source
Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and...
