?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure
The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed.
Ishit Yu Not,...
Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article
Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today.
The...
Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...
Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...
Scientist confirms it’s impossible to grow potato behind an ear
A top Agricultural scientist at Cambridge University has revealed that potatoes cannot grow behind or even in a persons earlobe. This shock news comes...
The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...
Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to...
Veganism can be cured claim scientists
Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...
NHS Test and Trace Centre discovered on Venus
A Rochdale resident has discovered the existence of an NHS Test and Trace Centre on the surface of Venus. Scientists believe that the existence...
Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears
The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...
Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".
Outcry as Moon to get 4G before Burnley
There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from...
5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts
Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country.
In an exclusive...
Moaning about stuff easier than dealing with stuff, scientists reveal
Scientist have discovered that moaning about your problems to people is much easier than dealing them. Professor Abra Cadabra of the Universality of Rochdale concluded...
Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers
In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...
Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists
A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.
The physics department of...
Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday
Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
Before the ‘Iron Age’ everything was just creased, confirm anthropologists
A team of anthropologists and archaeologists from Rochdale Community College announced their exciting revelation about our ancestors on Thursday. They have confirmed that, before...
