Science and Technology

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging bastards Apple have confirmed that the next update for its...

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the ability to use clocks and calendars to measure the passage...

Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average - celestial body. In a statement to the Rochdale Herald, Professor Brian...

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have uncovered the first clear links between racism and hair loss among men.  In an in depth study lasting nearly 2 days, first year students pored through hundreds of right...

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology giant Apple. Desperate to discover what their next upgrade will...

Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the rebel scum.  Recent Question Time programmes have featured panels heavy with...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to develop cancer. 38 year old Bill Board told us that...

After 2 years of unprecedented levels of worldwide idiocy, scientists have discovered that the parallel universe where weird shit happens is this one. Popular theory states that there are an infinite number of universes...

South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource". A spokesperson for Mr Musk, who has made astonishing breakthroughs in other forms of...

With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in office. “I think it's the only way I’m going to get...

19 year old student, Gary Downes, showed his Grandad Terance his new Samsung Galaxy S7 last week. "I was showing him all the latest cool features, the new camera, a few apps and the clarity...

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership with WhatsApp to improve access to patient data. WhatsApp, owned by...

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley, lead beverage researcher at the University's world famous Brew Institute,...