Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...

Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe

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It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.  Concerns were raised by non-physicists...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...

Britain to stop messing about and put the clocks back twenty years this October

Tony Blair woke this morning to find himself in the enviable position of a second chance at his legacy with the announcement the clocks...

2016 still killing celebrities

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...

Stephen Hawking’s next book titled A Brief History of C*nts

Stephen Hawking is well regarded as the largest living brain in Britain and someone whose opinions are worth serious consideration, while Mr Hunt as something rather different.

People who use correct change ‘worse than Hitler’ study finds

People who pay for things using the exact change are "worse than Hitler, Stalin and Piers Morgan combined" according to new research. The study, which...

Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...

Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...

1 billion Yahoo users ‘not arsed’ about forgotten Yahoo accounts being hacked

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Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a...
Aliens

Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article

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Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today. The...
Kitten lab

Earth isn’t flat, cats would have pushed everything off edge by now if it...

Scientists around the World have finally conceded that the Earth is most probably not a completely flat disc after all. Research conducted at the University...

Irish Garda stalk Stephen Hawking in Richard Dawkins blasphemy mix up

After the recent news that Stephen Fry is to be stoned to death by Irish authorities for calling God 'a bit of dick', the Irish...

iPhone users left feeling cheated

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...

Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.

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