Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

60 million Americans explore cryogenic freezing to escape Trump

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With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in...

Physicist angry that with infinite universes, he got one with Trump in it

A failed physicist and lapsed university lecturer has lamented online about his inner anxieties.

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...

Samsung to rebrand Galaxy as the Supernova

Samsung made a shock announcement at the weekends major technology event, TERD (Technology, Electronics RochDale), which was held at the former site of The...
Brian Cox

Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox

Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...

Crap internet in rural Scotland and Wales is good for the NHS says Westminster

One in five people, or 20% of the people in large areas of Scotland and Wales have not been online in the last three...

Apple announce the launch of the new iPhone Glitch-delivering all of the ‘Out of...

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Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch. The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers...
extraterrestrials

Message from aliens intercepted. 

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Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials. The message was received encoded in modulations...

Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’

There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today. Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...

Nobel Prize winning Physicist trying to delete U2’s album from iTunes

One of the winners of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Physics, Michel Mayor has told the Rochdale Herald that despite his award being announced...

Trump marks 50 years since Abraham Lincoln walked on Mars

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said,...

2016 still killing celebrities

Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...
Scientists

Moaning about stuff easier than dealing with stuff, scientists reveal

Scientist have discovered that moaning about your problems to people is much easier than dealing them. Professor Abra Cadabra of the Universality of Rochdale concluded...
Cigar Shaped Asteroid

Cigar Shaped Asteroid Ouamuamua’s violent past hints he’s from Blackburn

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Space - Mere months after it was revealed Om.. Oom.. that cigar shaped asteroid, was believed to have come from a distant solar system,...

Woman killed by drinking mineral water 15 minutes older than best before date

A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...

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