Science and Technology

Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer to the fan. Some are even saying that there is an...

Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch. The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers have previously had to wait for their Warranty to lapse...

Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for sucking all the light out. With the total eclipse of the...

Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives & girlfriends seeing where their eyes are going. The report,...

Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories. "Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards," explained Brexit expert and Conservative Party member Lotta Pounds, "it would...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase “my iPhone” unnecessarily. “It’s been a trying few years for everyone,”...

American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some children 3 meals a day. "We're never going to put a...

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by Rochdale Community University, was attended by a large array of...

Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it. Maurice Tips, Professor of Hot Beverages at the University's world famous Brew...

Joe Griffiths, from Rochdale, has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the sun is HOT. It turns out that Isaac Newton wasn't the only one to have a scientific epiphany whilst sitting...

Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear weapons system may be redirected to Niantic, the company behind...

The wheel, the lightbulb, combustion engine, space travel, and the internet all pale in comparison to pre-sliced bread according to public opinion. "I created the world wide web for fucks sake... The single most important step...

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the herb rosemary really does help memory. A study, which was almost...

The last man intelligent enough to set the clock on the microwave to the correct time has reportedly died aged 74. The man, an astrophysicist and cosmologist who is largely credited with furthering mankind's understanding...