Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

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Web Removes Facebook From Xmas Card List

The World Wide Web is sulking after Facebook got its birthday wrong.  Facebook flooded feeds with celebratory posts on the 23rd of August claiming the...

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

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A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...

Earth is Flat Confirms Cretin After Watching YouTube Video

Our foreign correspondent Miffy Bigboots reports from South London. A man at a loose end over the weekend changed his opinion on virtually everything after...
Bitch face

Resting Bitch Face to be renamed Resting Just Sick of Your Shit Face

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It seems that testing conditions, designed to mimic working in an average open plan office space, may have coloured the subjects' results. "It wasn't that their neutral faces were 'bitchy', just that even within a short time of meeting us, they were already just sick of our shit."

Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.

Samsung to rebrand Galaxy as the Supernova

Samsung made a shock announcement at the weekends major technology event, TERD (Technology, Electronics RochDale), which was held at the former site of The...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Scientists

Scientists confirm this is the weird parallel universe

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After 2 years of unprecedented levels of worldwide idiocy, scientists have discovered that the parallel universe where weird shit happens is this one. Popular...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.  The physics department of...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not,...
Brian Cox

Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox

Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...

Plans for Trident found wrapped around a portion of chips

Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood. It's not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and...
Laptop

Laptop finishes update in time for the weekend

An office worker in Rochdale is celebrating this evening after his laptop finally finished updating just in time for the weekend. Dave Bloke from Milnrow...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

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Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after...

Apple to move to Battersea iStation

Apple have announced this week that they will be basing their future British tax evasion projects at South London's Battersea Power Station. Mayor Sadiq Khan...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...

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