Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers

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On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas,...
Ladder

Trump’s view on border wall evolves after learning the word ‘ladder’

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Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Brexit transition period ends when the EU says it ends, says Philip Hammond

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The Chancellor Philip Hammond offered much needed clarity on the government's Brexit project today, by confirming it will enter a transition period which will...

Pound hitting 8 year low nothing to do with Brexit Professor at University of...

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Professor Cliff Edge has been quick out of the blocks today to reassure the public that the pound hitting an eight year low against...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

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As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

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The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.
Couple with dog

Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...

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As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow...

Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable

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Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd launches Hate Thy Neighbour initiative

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Amber Rudd announced plans today to crack down on the current outbreak of human compassion sweeping the country. Compassion has been on the rise recently...

UKIP corruption proves EU corruption say UKIP

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Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed...
Michael Gove

Gove is still bonkers, say experts

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Michael Gove decided to stand up for those whose lack of self awareness is pathological today.

Government reassures that Brexit talk delays are all part of the plan

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Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are...
Beach

Government votes to go on holiday early after solving all UK’s problems

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Members of parliament have overwhelmingly voted to bring their summer break forward as a reward for having solved all of the UK's problems. The...

Obama quietly pleased his G20 riots were bigger than Trump’s

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President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than...

It’s a Global Thing, insists Brexit economist

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Rochdale financial expert and three times bankrupt Brexit economist Ivana Sendham-Bach claimed today that the announcement that the UK was about to enter a...

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