Sir Nigel Farage surprised many in the realm this morning when he put his newly acquired knighthood up for sale on eBay.
“I was going to just take it down to cash converters.” Sir Nigel mused, “But then I realised it was only last month I offloaded a load of moody gold on them so I best steer clear a bit longer.”
Sir Farage bought his knighthood off Phillip Green on Tuesday for £1.
Earlier attempts to attain one having been blocked by Douglas Carswell MP. The constituency of Clacton provides great power to influence such decisions, having been the seat of royal power in Britain till the 19th century.
But when Farage got home and went on Facebook to modify his “nobility” status from none to Sir, he noticed a deluge of angry messages demanding he fund the BHS pension pot to the tune of £350M.
“It’s an establishment stitch up.” Sir Nigel vented on LBC. “If I’d known I’d be liable for all the money Phillip siphoned out of BHS I wouldn’t have touched it with a barge pole. I feel dirty.”
Sir Nigel further revealed he’s already up to his brown nose in hock to that orange lunatic across the pond. He just can’t afford the pension contributions.
“It shouldn’t even be an issue!” He added. ” The £350M to BHS was supposed to be provided by savings from EU contributions but some French ham fisted bungler in the UKIP graphics team hit N on their keyboard when they bashed out the bus design and not B!”
An understandable mistake, given the two letters sit next to one another on a standard keyboard. But not surprising. UKIP is yet to produce anything with proof of editorial oversight.
“This wouldn’t have happened with a British designer! Bloody cheap immigrant labour.”
Sir Farage has placed the knighthood on a one day auction and anticipates being free of all accountability once more by the end of day.
