A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore. 

Carried out at the Rochdale Exchange we asked shoppers if they were concerned with the backstabbing, puerile name calling and barely contained racism of modern politics. 

Respondee Nigella Plank told us; “It’s just so boring. Brexit, Corbyn, Trump. It’s all we ever hear about. Why can’t we have another one dying while cracking one off with an orange in his mouth? ”

While Norman Bucket was happy to tell us; “It’s just not right. How are we expected to engage in politics when not a single one of these buggers is fisting whizzed up hookers nowadays?  I couldn’t care less about points of order, I want to hear about a felching ring.”

We did point out that Keith Vaz had tried to buy cocaine and spank some rentboys but Bucket was unconvinced,

“Nah, frankly I’d rather sit through the third reading of a bill on traffic management than hear about that. Way too vanilla.”

On hearing the survey results, Simon Danczuk tweeted; “Seriously? Am I just wasting my time here people? Get me my swarfega and a pigmy goat.”