A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation.
Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections.
“I have suffered with stickupthearseitis for months now,” said Mary Corbynista, “Every time I see a Rochdale Herald or Newsthump post that in any way mocks Labour or Corbyn, I suddenly forget all the articles that they’ve published mocking the Tories and find myself accusing them of Tory bias. It makes me look like a right flipping tool!”
Mary isn’t alone. According to Dr Gedda Lifeson of Rochdale Community University’s Biology and Diseases of the Stupid Department the number of sufferers is growing exponensh…exponintu…exponenect….really fast.
“It effects all types of people regardless of their political persuasions,” says the doc, “but they will only notice the bit of this article that mocks them and pretend that the bit mocking their opposition isn’t there. Unfortunately it’s not fatal though.”
David Thatcher, a Tory from Little Wetend in Surrey is another one of the afflicted:
“I saw that fing wiv Theresa May’s face on it and so I know that the Herald is a dirty communist rag sponsored by Momentum. So I am reporting its articles because that’ll show them!”
You yourself may be suffering from this disease but it’s easy to check by looking at this hastily made up list of indications:
- Do you think that Satire sites are all Tory supporting shits?
- Do you think that satire sites are all Labour shills?
- Do you think that you have the right not to be offended and that every fucking thing on the internet should be tailored for both your tastes and opinions?
Answering yes may mean that you are suffering but it’s more likely that you’re a carrier of the plague if you are just too stupid even after this to realise that we take the piss out of all sides and we always will. We are made up of people from various political persuasions, and none, and it’s not our job to propagate your frigging favoured party but to hold every single one of them to account through humour.
Now, stop being silly and be silly.