Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band
Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
Theresa May to meet voters to tell them to fuck off in person
The results are in and Theresa May is to remain Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, sort of, probably for a bit at least...
Trump demands to be “Showered in Gold” during UK visit
The spokesman explained that, during his visit in October, President Trump will be shown all the normal formalities accorded to a visiting US president.
These include a...
Clinton Email Cache Found in Historic Exeter Hotel
The American election process was thrown into confusion yesterday when the FBI moved into the Royal Clarence Hotel, Exeter, in search of a hidden...
Corbyn tells press conference if you strike me down I will become more powerful...
Following Theresa May's unsurprising announcement of a snap general election, Jeremy Corbyn has made a press statement.
Stood in front of a dozen media representatives he said;
"We...
Means Testing Means Means Testing Means say Meanies
Winter heating supplements for elderly people on low incomes are to become means tested, if the so-called Mean Party's manifesto promise is carried out.
In a...
Boris overheard telling King Felipe of Spain ‘NO GIVO BACKO, CAPICHE’ whilst pointing at...
Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal.
Johnson told the...
Millenials believe Stalin killed more people than Blair
A recent survey of little shits proved that they know absolutely nothing about history, even though you can't prize Google from their tiny ungrateful...
Red Weather Warning as Conservative Politicians spotted with hands in own pockets
With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country.
Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt,...
Universities to charge £4K a year for fruit picking courses to prepare students for...
In proposals aimed to meet the agricultural sector’s labour needs post Brexit universities will be allowed to charge up to £4K a year for...
Pro Brexit MP’s walk out of Brexit meeting rather than face reality
Several Brexit-supporting MPs walked out of a meeting on Brexit today when a report proved to be too gloomy.
“I was expecting the report to...
Trump recorded saying “Trump Supporters are fat, racist white trash”
‘Rumours that Donald Trump described his legions of supporters as "obese trailer park trash" and "uneducated fucking idiots" are yet to be confirmed.
Extinction Rebellion glue themselves to new Brexit deal
In a disastrous move for Boris Johnson, a member of climate protest group Extinction Rebellion have glued themselves to the newly negotiated Brexit deal.
White,...
David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks
The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks.
It's believed the replacement of Mr....
Theresa May rehearsing upcoming Brexit u-turn while on hill walking holiday
"It will be my most challenging about face yet." The Prime Minister is reported to have informed her cabinet as they prepared to disband...
Asda Self-service checkout till beats Boris Johnson at Scrabble
Scientists from Rochdale College have developed an artificially intelligent self service till that beat Boris Johnson at Scrabble.
Dr Frederick Seddon said, "We were wanting...
