Sex worker and fruit picker tops post-Brexit career options

5
According to a press release from the Federated Institution of Associated School Careers Officers, the Brexit Plan simplifies future British employment opportunities to sex work...

I am truly above the law, confirms giant-toothed, flappy-eared, demon-eyed, shithouse, fuckmonger

4
What’s your favourite type of monger? Picture him: Swooping down from the sky astride a yellowing American Eagle, the political shitehawk persuades his steed to loosen...
T20

Cricketers injured as dyslexic Anarchists riot at T20

9
Two Yorkshire cricketers and a number of spectators were injured last night as nearly 200 dyslexic anarchists rioted at the T20. Similar riots took place...

UKIP elects Diane James leader

0
Diane James was elected the leader of UKIP yesterday and has already been causing controversy on account of not being Nigel Farage. People outside of...
Justine Greening

Secretary of State for Education, Justine Greening shows concern for pupils “Not talk good”

3
In the UK, education has always been of paramount significance, on par with the National Health Service, or ensuring that MPs have enough income...

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

0
Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
Trump

Definitely No Corruption at polls

0
Donald Trump has made a statement after his victory at the polls that he categorically believes there is no way there was any corruption...

Brexit Deal Threatens Iconic Rochdale Signpost

2
One of Rochdale's most iconic landmarks, the Welcome to Rochdale; Arsehole of Europe' signpost, has come under threat as Britain gears up for leaving...

Theresa May to open new Ministry of Silly Bans

0
Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a new Ministry of Silly Bans, to be set up immediately. The job of the new department will be to...
Westminster

Unelected man demands unelected woman suspends elected parliament

0
As was inevitable, faced with the likelihood of action being taken through the mechanisms of the British sovereign parliament to avert a no-deal Brexit,...

Herald Editor panic attack after millennial asks him “what is NATO?”

0
The editor of The Rochdale Herald was sectioned briefly today following a conversation with a millennial during which he was asked "what's NATO".

Theresa May declares ‘sit down session’ with Trump a huge success

0
British Prime Minister Theresa May Friday declared her "sit down meeting" with newly elected US President Donald Trump to have been "a roaring success". "He...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

0
Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...
Arlene Foster

Relief as Theresa May and Arlene Foster finish scissoring out a deal

6
“It was no time for hammering,” confirmed the Prime Minister, “we had quite enough of a hammering in the election, which we still, I...

Government reassures that Brexit talk delays are all part of the plan

0
Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are...

Brian Cox apologises for insisting Things Can Only Get Better

0
Astrologer to the stars Professor Brian Cox has finally come clean about his greatest fib told way back in 1993.

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