Gay sex not a sin if you keep your socks on says Tim Farron

9
Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron says he does not believe gay sex is a sin "as long as you don't push back". Mr Farron said...

Leaked Conservative manifesto just 5 pages of “lets get Brexit done” written in Russian

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With less than 3 weeks until the nation once again goes back to the polls, the Rochdale Herald has managed to obtain a leaked...

Not enough evidence to convict Danczuk of rape says CPS

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The Crown Prosecution Service has declined to prosecute Simon "Shagger" Danczuk on the basis that they are not confident they will secure a conviction.
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

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The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being...

Chances of Patel having job by Christmas looking Priti grim

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Theresa May's office has commented on the departure from the usual policy of ministers confining themselves to work on behalf of the country, and...

Trump Press Secretary buys fireproof underpants

1
The secret of Press Secretary Sean Spicer's propensity for hyperbolic bullshitacity has been revealed.  He has reportedly been wearing a revolutionary new type of asbestos...
Houses of Parliament

Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue

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The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...
Plate of Mince

Nadine Dorries replaced as MP for Mid Bedfordshire with nice plate of warm mince

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Following her bizarre statement in which she decried the Brexit deal as leaving the U.K. with no MEPs and no representation on the EU...
Boris Johnson

Boris urges Tories to get behind May as it makes it easier to stab...

1
Boris Johnson has today reprimanded Conservative Party Members for attempting to organise a coup and not asking him to join in. In his message,...

Scientists baffled as average IQ of North Korea drops 20% this afternoon

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SScientists around the world are struggling to make sense of strange information coming out of North Korea this afternoon after the average IQ of...
Brick Wall

Remainers celebrate Brexit anniversary by repeatedly bashing their heads against brick wall

18
The tens of millions of people who voted to stay in the European Union, and those that wished they had but couldn't be assed...
Interrogation

Torture works say fictional super villains and Donald Trump

2
Unnatural freaks, social outcasts and fictional horror characters are lining up to support President Trump's assertion that "torture works". "I've racked my brains to find...

Lib Dems form armed wing in desperate bid to remain relevant

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The Liberal Democrats have announced the creation of an ‘armed wing’ in what commentators are interpreting as a last ditch attempt to have some...

Public unsure what to believe after Nuttall admits ‘Everything I say is a lie’

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In another reputation-busting move, Paul Nuttall has stumped logicians and shocked the wider world with the classic Liar's or Epimenides Paradox by saying; "Everything I...
Teenager

Teenager born in 2000 looks forward to enjoying retiring in 2120

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Today the government announced that plans to change to the state pension retirement age to 68 will take effect in 2037, 7 years earlier...
Ballot paper

Labour to campaign for Liberal Democrats in June 8th General Election

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Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC. Ms Abbott used one of her last possible...

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