Jacob Rees-Mogg completely opposed to jazz music and women in trousers under any circumstances

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During an appearance on The One Show this week, Conservative leadership favourite and plum-voiced time traveller, Jacob Rees-Mogg admitted his firm 1920s beliefs meant he was entirely against jazz music and women wearing trousers. These...
Boris Johnson

Boris’ Barney buggering off says barber

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In a hair raising exclusive, The Rochdale Herald has discovered the secret to the frankly unhinged character of the Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson is linked to his unconventional hairstyle. We spoke to his hairstylist, Quiff...

British businesses fat and lazy, says podgy bloke who does sweet FA for a...

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Liam Fox, who was sacked from the previous government for being a dodgy sod, has said that British businesses are fat and lazy and their directors would rather play a round of golf than...

Whitehall in panic as Chilcot Report left on N47 Deptford Bus

With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown into chaos. Mandarins up and down the country have been recalled...

Unemployment figures fiddlers hit all time low

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The government is celebrating today as the figures released by the ONS show that unemployment as at its lowest since 1975 or something. “It’s a really great achievement for conservatism, and you can’t deny the...

MP’s take well deserved autumn break after sorting out all UK’s problems

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Westminster is demob happy today as hundreds of MPs pack their bags and await their family’s driver to come and collect them for half term. “I barely recall what my family looks like,” one excited...

Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers

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On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas, season's greetings, delivered without chagrin. For it is the season to...

Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

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In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House administration. Quentin D. Fortesqueue explained, "The purpose of the Rochdale Herald is...

Donald Trump commemorative jigsaws to have missing pieces by design

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The White House has confirmed that the new range of Trump jigsaw puzzles, commemorating the President's achievements in office, are deliberately missing several pieces. The release of the puzzles is timed to capitalise on Trump’s...
Houses of Parliament

Lib Dems table bill to give each Leave voter bendy banana and note saying...

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MPs are meeting this afternoon to discuss vital legislation that could break the Brexit deadlock and potentially save the Government. A bill tabled by Jo Swinson, leader of the Liberal Democrats, is currently being discussed...
Hippies Hippy

Nobody arsed about Green Party Manifesto leak

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Last night a draft of Labour's election manifesto was leaked leading to pro Brexit outrage paper, The Daily Mail, drawing comparisons between Labour's proposed policies and 1970's. Daily Mail reader, John Smiff, said; "That terrorist Corbyn wants power...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

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Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit or the Governments. A spokesman for the Labour Party told us,...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab warns against travel to Iran and other Scandinavian countries

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The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes on the capital of Bulgaria, Baghdad. "I'm not sure why people...

Theresa May speaks to Herald – exclusive!

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The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and the tragedy at the Grenfell tower block. Nevertheless, the Herald has...

Trump in Mexican standoff

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Donald Trump today paid a flying visit to Mexico for talks with President Pena Nieto.  Amongst his entourage was his new Foreign Policy adviser Jeremy Clarkson, hired in line with Trump's current policy of comedy...
football referees

Football referees warned not to go against the will of the people

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Following criticism of High Court Judges 'interfering' in the Brexit process, the Football Association have decided to get rid of football referees. "We don't need overpaid so-called 'football rule experts' making decisions which the crowd...

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