Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border to be moved to England.

Nigel (52) from Rochdale told us;

“This isn’t why I voted for Brexit, I wanted us to take full control of our own borders, and that meant our own borders in Calais. I’m buggered if I want to have the English border in England! We would be overrun by them smelly refugees and muslins.”

Doris (64) from Salford said;

“It’s an utter discrace! I voted out of Europe and now the garlic eaters are telling us that the English border shouldn’t be in Europe. It’s an out and out crime I tell you, where’s that Farage feller.” Then Doris ran off to post her rage on the EDL Facebook page like the proud Brit she is. 

Today Jeremy Vine’s switchboard melted when the subject was raised on Radio 2, with furious biffers all calling to express how important it was for the UK to control its own borders, as long as the borders were left in French France.