In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of himself.

They will be rebranded “the Orange Shirts”, be given fetching bright tangerine new uniforms and be compelled to apply orange skin dye at least twice weekly in officially sanctioned Trump alt-tanning salons.

His majesty says this will cut out all snowflake whiney liberal nonsense of checks and balances which are currently restricting his absolute power.

The newly modelled Orange Shirts will be set to work beating patriotism into any yellow lily-livered buttercups they encounter wandering the streets, who will be compelled to “suck it up”.

In further decrees:

  • The colour of imperial orange is to be biggley banned for everyone else on pain of death.
  •  All supreme court judges, representing a threat to the Emperor are thus to be branded enemies of the people.
  • Agent orange is to be brought back into the military arsenal of the US army, with a Trump logo on each shell casing.
  • Oranges are to be the strict reserve of only the Emperor and his immediate Princeling heirs.
  • The devices “Trump”(c) and “Orange”(c) are to be the strict and sole property of Emperor Trump.

The case for impeachment becomes fuller by the day.


Get monthly highlights in your inbox