Christmas Giving

The Big Fat Secret Santa Update – 1,024 presents in first 24 hours

Yesterday we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network and Angry People in Local Papers to buy presents for children living in poverty...

England ready for Adelaide Ashes Test

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Ahead of the second Ashes Test which has just started in Adelaide, England captain Joe Root sought to defuse the simmering tension between the two sides by holding a joint press conference with his...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us, "It's been a tiring year. In the summer I stood...

Outrage as ban on Christmas turns out to be false

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People across the country have expressed outrage in response to the revelation that a ban on Christmas has been revealed to be false. An image of a newspaper article claiming that councils have banned Christmas...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

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The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...
Putin 2

FIFA rejects World Cup draw rigging allegations after Russia selected to play against Russia

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FIFA have been forced to defend more allegations of corruption after the 2018 World Cup hosts, Russia, were selected to play against themselves in the group stages. The event saw Gary Lineker and Russian presenter...
Farage

Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob

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Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere. Right wing nutjob Nigel Farage called Britain First a bunch of right wing...

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

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Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for the state visit was extended too early the Prime Minister...

World now clear on just how much rope was needed for Donald Trump to...

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The world has been quivering with excitement over President Trump's possible impeachment for some time now, like Kim Jong-Un's stubby digit over a big red button. Now it appears satsuma face (well it is...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert Cratchitt, has condemned the decision, insisting his son's age and...

Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...

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A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate. Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a trolley collector at The Rochdale branch of Lidl until quitting...

Wise Men slam ‘unreasonable expectations’ as ‘Virgin’ Mary’s first sausage is a foot-long manger...

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Some wise men have today hit back at a high street bakers claiming that their 'Foot-Long Sausage Roll' creates unrealistic expectations about baked goods. Joseph, a carpenter and part time donkey jockey, explained. "At...
Badgers

Badgers vote for cull of Conservative MPs

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Radical badgers have declared Dingley Dell an independent sovereign state and have threatened violent action against Conservative MPs in response to the continuing cull. The founder of the MP cull pressure group Gas A Tory...
Anger

Fictional article published too soon after imaginary incident

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A fictional article on a satirical site has been published too soon after an incident that didn't take place. The latest scandal to grip the internet is about a fictional article being published too soon...
Asda

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

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The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...
Overweight

Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym

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An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care requirements are met. Following the budget announcement on Thursday that this...

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