A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate.
Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a trolley collector at The Rochdale branch of Lidl until quitting last Saturday.
He told us, “I’d been fancying a career change and saw a documentary on pirates. I thought it looked quite glamorous but I’ve got no experience of sailing. I decided to start small and build up by building a boat from Lidl trolleys that I covered in plastic bags.
“I intended to sail up the Leeds-Liverpool canal committing acts of piracy. I was then going to establish a pirate colony on the Wirral.”
Mr Beard had tried to buy a parrot but couldn’t find one in his price range so last Saturday night he anaesthetised a pigeon and stapled it to his jacket. He then drank the bottle of Whisky his colleagues had bought him before cutting his own leg off.
He explained, “Sawing my leg off stung a bit but I had to do it. I then replaced it with the leg from my coffee table. Looking back it was probably quite stupid as it made running away from the police quite difficult.”
Mr Beard’s career as a pirate came to an end last Wednesday when he attempted to board a small canal barge.
His victim told us, “We saw this bloke with a coffee table leg dressed like Adam Ant with his left shoulder covered in bird poo. On seeing us he hoisted a Jolly Roger and attempted to board us.
“He had an eyepatch so we gave him some Optrex then we called the police. He tried to get away but was caught after it took him 20 minutes to negotiate a lock. He attempted to run away but the police dog bit him on the leg and ran away with it in its mouth.”
Mr Beard has been in custody at Strangeways ever since.
He will appear in court on Tuesday charged with piracy and littering.