Other News

Civil servants and politicians from a wide range of governmental departments are throwing their weight behind a Department of Education proposal to create a highly-specialised degree course in Hindsight. "Everyone knows that after every disaster...

Mr Henry Bolt-on was celebrating tonight after having managed the milestone event of third longest serving UKIP leader, even though he was only elected leader at lunch time yesterday. Mr Bolt-on is said to be...

If the children of the late Sir Bruce Forsyth wish to inherit his estate, they must remember the individual parts of it that they see on a conveyor belt, it has emerged. Under the terms...

Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU. "I don't care if it was 8% or 80%!" fumed Mr. Farage. "We...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I first thought' He used the words "mistake, not a disaster" in...

The journeyman striker was signed for an undisclosed amount, although it is "considerably more" than the previous record fee of forty Rothmans and a fish supper. Nuttall made his name playing in the Premier...

Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits, according to government sources. The latest guidelines issued to employees of...

In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of himself. They will be rebranded "the Orange Shirts", be given...

Politicians up and down the country have been inundating Amazon with orders for back-stabbing knives, hatchets, whetstones and sharpening steels as they ready themselves for the imminent Party Conference Season. An Amazon source confirmed...

Postmen across the country are refusing to open and empty letter boxes after being led to believe they could contain anything including bank robbers and Muslim women. Correspondence Logistics Operative (the job formally known as...

A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he is suing HBOS for fraud. The presenter who made the comments also...

A fictional article on a satirical site has been published too soon after an incident that didn't take place. The latest scandal to grip the internet is about a fictional article being published too soon...

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone has been pronouncing its name incorrectly. Long pronounced Keen-warh by people...

Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she won't intervene in David Cameron's scheme to reward all his mates with Honours. "Listen here," said an anonymous Number 10 spokesperson, "These things are decided by a...