Other News

A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers. Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us "We have proven that 11 out of 20 people you...

A dog who has spent the last hour and a half peering longingly through the patio doors at the garden is now peering longingly into the living room from the garden after spending fifteen...

Police have attended an incident in Rochdale today after numerous concerned calls reported a far-right mob assembled in the town centre. Attending officers would like to reassure the public that rigorous testing has found the...

Records have been tumbling all week at the very first running of The Vegan Olympics taking place in Turkey. The first big record smashed was by American athlete, Slim Jim Tomkins who successfully lifted both...

Ryanair's Michael O'Leary has told passengers that the airline will start offering people a punch in the face for as little as £12.99 from next month. In an announcement the airline said, "We were in...

52 year old mother of two Janice Longthorne has spent so many hours watching Netflix shows such as 'Making a Murderer' (seasons one and two) and 'The Staircase' that she now believes she is...

Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students. The 51 year old former 'politician' was...

There were angry reactions across the UK today after it was revealed that a popular 'slutty Tommy Robinson' Halloween costume has been outsold by a 'slutty Anjem Choudary' costume for the first time. The figures, released...

Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today. Hopes of a breakthrough were raised today when Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, announced that a...

Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules, saying not to drink the stuff were removed by manufacturers. "Clearly...

A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was sentenced this morning after being found guilty of sixteen thousand...

Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out for a couple of bottles of Merlot to have with...

Pret a Manger have successfully poisoned more people in Britain in 2017-2018 than Vladimir Putin according to sources within the GRU. The news comes after a second customer succumbed to a deadly vegetarian rainbow flatbed...

Nearly eight brain cells were killed in a mass brawl following the Ultimate Fight Club bout between Conman McGregor and Khabab Gnawmigonadov in Las Vegas at the weekend. The Ultimate Fight Club, which unfortunately...

The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users. PC Drug-Bust McGee told us, "We'd heard there was a huge gathering...

Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists to have less substance than the Tory manifesto; less conscience...