Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students.

The 51 year old former ‘politician’ was ‘leader’ of the Liberal Democrats and formed an ‘axis’ with David Cameron and the Conservatives in 2010.

He is joining Facebook as their Head of Global Affairs and Communication Team.

“This is a really good appointment for Facebook. Obviously Facebook has been losing ground with young people and Liberals because of the way it tolerates and cosies up to far right lunatics and enables Nazis and extremists.”

“Apparently Nick Clegg knows loads about that.” A spokesman for Facebook told The Rochdale Herald.

“Who better to rebuild trust with disillusioned young people than Sir Nick Clegg.”

“He has some really good ideas. The first thing he says we need to do is to make some really wild promises that we can’t possibly keep.”

“So Facebook will always be free for students.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.