Other News

Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on March 29th. Featuring all four original members, the band released a...

Doncaster residents Bill and Orla Board have been telling the Rochdale Herald how they have finally found a use for the speed boat they won on Bullseye 30 years ago. Bill told us, "It was...

Reports that John Travolta has contracted Covid19 are being down played by his agent. "John has chills, they're multiplying and he's losing control" Mr Travolta's agent told The Rochdale Herald's Hollywood correspondent.  "We would like to...

Poppy Enforcement Directive Officers (PEDO's) are to begin patrolling the UK's streets from next week, the Government has announced. The officers, obese men dressed in black with ruddy complexions who only speak in capital letters...

Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to phase out passengers too. “It’s all quite logical really,” CEO Rex...

Following the implementation of new software allowing users to see just what exactly brings visitors to their website based on Googled search terms, a local Herald reporter has shamefully and cynically exploited the system by...

A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening by bringing Kraft Slices as his artisanal choice. Northerner Gerry Ramsbuttocks...

A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon my yooman will be putting up the big green plaything...

Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit. "Ceefax is the perfect home...

Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The gang carried out the audacious snatch at lunchtime yesterday, making...

A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside a bag. Jayda Daley, 28, had just prepared dinner for her...

A five year old girl has been found guilty at the Old Bailey of tax evasion after a multi-million pound VAT investigation. The girl, clearly already hell bent on a life of white collar crime,...

Britain is tonight coming to terms with the sudden loss of George Michael jokes and as a target for snide comments & toilet based humour.

The Secretary of State for International Trade, Liam Fox, was thrilled to announce this week the first trade agreement for a post-Brexit Britain. The historic deal with Mexico’s Sinaloa Cartel, the world’s most powerful drug...

Boris Johnson committed himself to leading Britain into 'a new chapter' yesterday. Downing Street sources revealed that the chapter referred to by the tousled Muppet Prime Minister will be Chapter 6 of the Revelations...

Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit of Donald Trump and his escort the following day. Company boss...