Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

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International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Man bored of virtue-signalling monthly initiatives launches ‘Punch In The Facepril’

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A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your 'Ocsober'; 'Mowvember' and 'Veganuary' has decided to punch you all in the...

Wankers now the majority of the public, scientists conclude.

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A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers. Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us...

Man puts bins out

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Reports are emerging that a man in Rochdale has put his bins out. Stephen Dickinson of Fazzakerley Drive has put his green bin out on...
Smartphone

I’m definitely not addicted to my smartphone, says person reading this on her smartphone

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A Rochdale woman has told her friends that she's definitely not addicted to her smartphone, whilst reading a news story about people being addicted...
British Homeopath

Herald lifestyle guides – How to be a New Hippy

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Want to be a 21st century Hippie or is it Hippy? Do you remember the days when everything was far out, and the man was...

Brainless moron shaves 30 seconds off his drive home by doing 70 through the...

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One dickhead has been telling the Herald about how he has found a way to shave 30 seconds off the time it takes him...
Woman walking through shopping crown

Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market

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Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all...

Herald life hacks: Get rich quick with… an inheritance

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Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life It's January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in...
child

Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

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A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

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French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan. 'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter...

“Family friendly” pubs to ban single men at weekends

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Pubs that describe themselves as family friendly say they intend to ban single men from their premises at weekends. Parent Cindy "Everyone's a pedo" Maguire...
Indian Family

Asian family enjoying post night out curry accused of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

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A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry...

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