Posh twit in gilet loses both arms to frostbite

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Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging. Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

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Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the...

Dry January downgraded to reduced drinking January

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A Rochdale man has told us how he has revised plans to do dry January and will now be doing reduced drinking January instead. Bill...

Vegans to save UK billion man hours in tedious conversations by wearing hats saying...

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There is widespread jubilation amongst business leaders around the UK after bold plans to save a billion working man hours a week have been announced by the Institute of Vegans.

Nothing says f*** you to a neighbour like a Leilandii hedge

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Scientists at Rochdale College have discovered that nothing gets the message that you hate them across to your neighbour's more than a Leilandii hedge. Dr...
Shouting Man

I don’t shave cos I’m a Gillette John, claims Heil Vis clad Neon Nazi

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Shaving that's a little too aggressive, or done with dull blades, can produce irritants which can form a rash right round your Parliament area. ...

Man considering buying his wife lingerie for Christmas almost certainly shouldn’t.

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Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Man bored of virtue-signalling monthly initiatives launches ‘Punch In The Facepril’

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A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your 'Ocsober'; 'Mowvember' and 'Veganuary' has decided to punch you all in the...
Smartphone

I’m definitely not addicted to my smartphone, says person reading this on her smartphone

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A Rochdale woman has told her friends that she's definitely not addicted to her smartphone, whilst reading a news story about people being addicted...

Herald life hacks: Get rich quick with… an inheritance

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Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life It's January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

“Family friendly” pubs to ban single men at weekends

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Pubs that describe themselves as family friendly say they intend to ban single men from their premises at weekends. Parent Cindy "Everyone's a pedo" Maguire...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

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French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan. 'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter...

Scientists confirm autocorrect was inverted by a cult

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A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult. Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to...

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