Theresa May urges parents to ‘eat their children’ given current political situation.

Prime Minister Theresa May has urged British parents to “eat your children” claiming that “It’s the kindest thing to do” considering the state of world politics.

The Prime Minister made the announcement in a New Year’s video message broadcast from her 10 Downing Street kitchen.

She explained: “Quite frankly Brexit’s gone to shit.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing – which is at least twice as much as the Brexit Secretary knows.”

“It’s only a matter of time before Trump does something utterly moronic. So I’d urge you all, as we head into the new year, to eat your children. It’s the kindest thing to do, the ultimate act of love.”

Mrs May went on to say that a full range of child based recipes will be made available shortly on a Government website.

She added that, in line with the Governments anti-obesity policy, no parent should eat any more than one child per sitting and the amount of salt added should be kept to an absolute minimum.

The reaction from parents to Mrs May’s announcement was mixed.

John Roberts, from Dorset, commented that he had already eaten his two daughters several months ago, and was delighted to find out that it was now official Government policy.

However Alice Evans, from Hertfordshire disagreed saying: “There’s absolutely no way I could eat my babies.”

“I mean just look at the snot covered little shits. Would you want to eat that?”
“Give me a good old fashioned pensioner any day of the week. Now that’s a proper meal”.