Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he’s lost both his arms whilst out sledging.

Harry told us, “Cripes, got up this morning and it was a white out so the kids wanted to head out sledging. It’s great because it gave me an excuse to put my Jack Wolfskin gilet on.”

(For those wondering what a gilet is. It’s the same thing as a body warmer.)

“I normally have to wait until I go skiing in Val d’Isere before I get my Oakley sunglasses and the gilet out,” he continued with a wistful look in his eye. “But when we hit the ‘slopes’ this morning I stood there looking like a snowboard champion on the Heath. Everyone around me could tell I knew what I was doing.”

It was only after sledging down a hill that Harry discovered his arms had fallen off.

He explained, “Bit of a shame really. I got up from the toboggan and discovered my arms were missing. They’d been numb for hours but one puts up with that sort of thing when one looks as cool as this. You know, no pain no gain and all that.”

The hope is that Harry’s arms will have been preserved by the sub-zero overnight temperatures and the search will continue in daylight. Reports that a dog was seen running away with a stick that was wearing a TAG watch and last years festival wristbands are being downplayed.

In the meantime his kids have fashioned some out of Mr Potato Head accessories.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.