There is widespread jubilation amongst business leaders around the UK after bold plans to save a billion working man hours a week have been announced by the Institute of Vegans.

The time saving measures are expected to save the UK economy almost a trillion pounds a quarter in lost time with productivity metrics showing at least 100% improvement across all Industries.

The plan involves making all vegans wear a hat at all times that reads “I’m a Vegan” which will reduce the amount of time spent in conversation with vegans by almost 99%.

“It’s a bold and ingenious move.” A spokesman for the treasury told The Rochdale Herald.

“Almost 40% of all the time spent in conversation in the U.K. is about how people have recently become vegans or taken up CrossFit.”

“By forcing vegans to wear hats explaining their nutritional choices we will allow people to choose either not to start a conversation with them by running away or to preemptively pretend to have already converted to a meat free diet.”

“From January 2019 vegans who are spotted hatless outside their own homes will face on the spot fines or nutritional re-alignment therapy and electro-shock treatment.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.